In Or Out

Entry by: Sirona

26th February 2016

In or Out - a pantoum

I have to ask one thing, Iâ€™ll keep it brief
My darling are you in or are you out?
At this point either answer is relief
Canâ€™t live with this pervading sense of doubt

My darling, are you in or are you out?
To keep me waiting is the cruelest thing
Canâ€™t live with this pervading sense of doubt
Is it a lie to keep wearing this ring?

To keep me waiting is the cruelest thing
The Sword of Damocles over my head
Is it a lie to keep wearing this ring?
Was truth held in the vows that we both said?

The Sword of Damocles over my head
A glimmer in your eyes makes hearts hope sprout
Was truth held in the vows that we both said?
My darling, are you in or are you out?

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What I liked about this piece: Interesting as I'd never actually read a pantoum before! So very interested to see how they work and how they are written.
Favourite sentence: At this point either answer is relief
Feedback: Nice piece. Intrigued to read a pantoum. The only thing is that I feel it is difficult to get a lot of atmosphere and understanding from such a short passage.

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What I liked about this piece: How they used the title, ambitious format.
Favourite sentence: At this point either answer is relief
Feedback: Good effort and could be great with a little more time as it's a bit clunky in places currently - you can sense the strain of its formatting

In Or Out

Entry by: Sirona

26th February 2016

Feedback: Average score: 325 (65%)

Marker comments:

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