Where I'm Going

Entry by: Sirona

30th July 2015

The bottle of sunscreen hit me, hard.
'You'll need that where you're going.'
I don't even turn to look at her, I know whose voice that is. Marion Greenfield.
My lips move in silent recitation as I bend to recover the bottle that she has thrown 'Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait until the Lord comes.' I check the container for damage before I straighten and, all without turning to look in Marion's direction, hand it to the manager who is frozen on the sidelines. He looks conflicted, realising his corporate duty to bring Marion to task for throwing stock, but feeling the pressure of our small town society to decree that I deserve it.
'It's alright, Bob,' I murmur as I pass, making my way out of the store, stopping only to leave my basket of goods where they will be found and redistributed to the shelves. I hate to put someone to the trouble of doing it, but I think everyone would agree it is best if I don't tally there any longer.
I go, as I always do, across the small, neat, town square to the church. The building stands, perfectly white, Gods truth made manifest.
I know that Marion led a protest to Pastor John, asking him to refuse me the comfort of the church. It can't have been an easy thing for him to refuse, and I know his decision troubles him. If I am found to be guilty, he will never live it down.

Marker 1

What I liked about this piece: It's astute, the comment on people behaving in a cruel manner believing their religion is on their side.
Favourite sentence: He looks conflicted, realising his corporate duty to bring Marion to task for throwing stock, but feeling the pressure of our small town society to decree that I deserve it.
Feedback: A lot of narrative is conveyed successfully in few words.

Marker 2

What I liked about this piece: Intriguing. Lots of questions.
Favourite sentence: I check the container for damage before I straighten and, all without turning to look in Marion's direction, hand it to the manager who is frozen on the sidelines
Feedback: I wish there had been more of this but had to mark lower because it seems to be unfinished

Marker 3

What I liked about this piece: The atmosphere of hostility which is created very quickly. Imagery of order and disorder together.
Favourite sentence: 'He looks conflicted, realising his corporate duty to bring Marion to task for throwing stock, but feeling the pressure of our small town society to decree that I deserve it.'
Feedback: I think that this piece is not finished and I would like to read how the rest of it goes.