A Children's Story

Entry by: MarieRose

7th August 2015

Once upon a time,
a fairytale world was born.
Come child, choose your pathâ€¦

The apple beckons,
deliciously decadent.
Snow bites into it.

Sleeping Beauty dreams
of spindles, thorns and dragons.
She awaits her kiss.

In a cursed castle
an enchanted rose withers.
Will Belle kill the beast?

You know the endings;
true love conquers all evil.
Or so we are told.

For what becomes of
Happily Ever After
once the book is closed?

What if Snow wishes
That she still lived with the Dwarfs?
What if Aurora
cannot bear to fall asleep?
What if Beast forgets
that Belle saved him from his curse?

I look at your face,
full of hope and innocence.
I tell you a lie...

And so they all lived
happily ever after.
Goodnight, my sweet child.

Marker 1

What I liked about this piece: Clever use of alliteration to reinforce pairs of related words (especially in vv. 1 - 6)
Favourite sentence: I look at your face,
full of hope and innocence.
I tell you a lie...

Sometimes the lie is the kindest option ...
Feedback: Not a big fan of the Disney desire to give classic characters new names [Amazing Alliteration, lol] but it didn't spoil this bright, cheerful blank verse for me. Maybe the 'lie' of the penultimate verse was wrong, BUT as they "all lived happily ever after" in the final verse it can be (and IMHO is) justified!

Marker 2

What I liked about this piece: bitterness expressed
Favourite sentence: For what becomes of Happly.....
Feedback: The first 3 lines are inadequate
The 3rd line misdirects the reader and irritates before he has started.
The poem wd be better if it started at the second stanza.
the idea is great and if I don't like the concept that does not affect my evaluation.

Marker 3

What I liked about this piece: Nice magical atmosphere with a bit of a twist at the end
Favourite sentence: Sleeping Beauty dreams of spindles, thorns and dragons
Feedback: I enjoyed the dreamlike quality especially in the first four paragraphs; and the bittersweet ending