Take My Pulse

TAKE MY PULSE

"Yes Padre, come in I don't mind. Asleep? I don't sleep; I lie awake in my cell and think of Carla.
No one disturbs me now the appeal has been turned down. They leave me alone and that's the way I like it.
People say you blank out bad feelings but it's a lie. The trial is a dim memory but I recall every moment I spent with her. The burning jealousy, the way she laughed when I complained; how she set up with the manager when I was out on the job.
Sit down, you may learn something, if you pardon my saying so.
Last year, I began to work for Danny Yeoman. He was the boss of the delivery service I used to work for, before I went away. He took me on again and I thanked him for it.
"We all have a past Jonny, time to start again, not look back." I believed him.

Most of the time he gave me long distance jobs which paid more but took a lot out of you, what with the hard drive and the loading. But I didn't complain. The merchandise came sealed in brown packets and he never told me what was inside and I never asked. I guessed, since I never delivered to the front door but always round the back, out of sight. God's honest truth, I didn't care much, as long as I got good wages and no trouble.
After a few months I met Carla at the local bar. She was different to the rent girls I'd got used to. She had long black hair and the whitest skin. Her figure was something and she knew it. The way she dressed made most of the guys light up but she smiled only at me. In those days she never flirted and we began to see a lot of each other.
She set up a flat for us a few doors away from the yard.
"Jonny, it'll be handy for you and it's not too far from the bar."
For two months we were good, sex and all, if you follow me.

Danny put me on a series of trips to Newcastle, Glasgow, all over, working me to death but paying top dollar. I never gave it a thought till I noticed the loads were light and the guys at the other end began rejecting stuff.
Coming back a day early was my big mistake. I wandered down to the bar about eight thirty that evening and found the truth. Carla was nowhere, Danny was nowhere, and the barman knew nothing, so he said. I stayed because I didn't want to go up to the flat and face the facts. I saw how it worked; half the week I was out on the road and Carla was down the yard with the boss or in the flat.
About half nine, Danny strolled in like a prince. He swaggered to the bar before he saw me in the corner. His expression changed.
"Why the hell are you back so early? What's up with you?"
His mean little eyes darted about the room to see if any of his men were handy.
"I'm back 'cos the customers are complaining about the goods."
We spoke about this for a few minutes and I told him I was going up to the flat.
He smiled: "Wait a sec, have a drink. Maybe I was a little hasty just then."
The barman brought another drink and Danny sat with me as good as gold for another ten minutes. I wasn't surprised when Carla walked in and sat on a stool next to him.
"Didn't expect you home so soon" she said "what happened on the road?"
She offered no kiss no hug, just a question. No one treats me like that, Padre.
They despised me and used me. I'm not a sentimental type but life has its rules and they broke most of them. So I did what had to be done. I went back to the flat and packed her things. She stormed in about an hour later. She laughed at me then she flung herself at me scratching with her long red nails. I pushed her away but she came at me again shouting "Danny"
He burst through the door; he had the baseball bat from the bar in his hands. Once, twice, he struck me. I fell to the floor. He kept hitting me and I crawled out onto the walkway outside. The door slammed shut. I managed to reach the stairs, tumbled down, picked myself up and ran.
Later that night, with a bottle of petrol, I came back. I know you are a man of God, but there has got to be justice here on earth I reckon. I waited till the lights went out, then I torched the place. They never got out... well they couldn't, the door was barricaded shut.

Nothing more to be said, I did what had to be done. Who would punish them if not me? You look for salvation but I needed justice. Am I fearful? Do I look it? Take my pulse and judge for yourself.