The Broccoli Debate

THE BROCCOLI DEBATE


The Council of Vegetables met in an emergency meeting in the Soup Kitchen.

The Grand Pumpkin asked for silence and glowered at a couple of radishes twittering on the back shelf.

"I have to announce" he said in his pompous pumpkin voice "that a desperate crisis has arisen in the Kitchen and action must be taken."

Whispering began among the lettuces who fluttered with anxiety.

"What's the problem Fatty?" The Mares Potato bellowed. He had tried to throw his weight about on earlier occasions but the rest of the bunch shouted him down.

Pumpkin ignored the interruption: "The Chef proposes to add Broccoli to the Cauliflower soup and call it Brocoflower Medley."

A wave of noise washed over the assembly. Peas and broad beans squeaked-avocados shrieked and a babble of runner beans wailed loudly.

"What desecration" said a superior Carrot "our Professional Standards will be in ruins. Imagine if he tried to make a carrot and onion cake or carrot and potato soup. The idea is appalling."

"Not so fast, you skinny red snob" said the Potato "I happen to know there is a thing called Potato and carrot soup sold in supermarkets."

The Carrot sniffed "I don't spend my time in Supermarkets." He turned away with a toss of his green shoots.

"Come to Order everyone " said Pumpkin "Shall we hear what Cauliflower wants to say about it?"

Cauliflower rose to his stalk;" Let me say I have nothing but the best regard for my green friend" here he nodded towards the Broccoli "But facts are facts and cauliflower soup is a perfect creamy colour accepted by the most discerning palates. There can be no green in it and the idea is" -- he hesitated before going on -- "PREPOSTEROUS"

The last word he shouted and three new potatoes fell over in alarm.

There was a silence for a moment and all eyes turned to Broccoli who sat wrapped in his broad leaves a few inches away.

At last he spoke "Who among you has won praise for his health giving minerals? Who can deny the plaudits showered on my fellow Broccoliers? The Press rave about the benefits of my steamed stalks. Only yesterday Nigella swore my Flowery heads were medicinal. So the value of this blend will be remarkable."

A rustle of agreement ran round the courgettes and cucumbers.

" Hang on" shouted the raw Potato " you've been planting yourself in all those North London Allotments-no wonder you get all these Trade endorsements!"

"But that is not the issue" said the Gran Pumpkin "We must decide whether we will boycott this idea or accept it."

"Ban It! Ban It!" chorused the cabbages and spring onions "We want no hybrids here."

"But you've already made a soup together" pointed out the Squash.

"What do we want? No new soups.-when do we want it?-Now"
chanted the cabbages and they drowned out the voices

of the petit pois who tried to speak.

"Let's have a vote of fronds" said Pumpkin and he counted up. The whole basket waved their appendages.

"Right" he said "no blend of Broccoli and Cauliflower it is"


The cooks arrived for work, read their instructions and began to prepare the vegetables for the soup of the day.

"Look at this Bob" said the sous chef "all the

cauliflower's gone mouldy."

"Bin it then "said Bob "get weaving on the broccoli."

"No luck there, it's shrivelled and stringy"

"Bloody Hell! We'll have to do carrot soups again."

They couldn't hear the giggles in the vegetable racks.