Climate Of Change
Entry by: Olivia
4th December 2015
Climate of Change
He shifted around, anxious to be gone, fretful because he knew she would make him wait, she always did. Time mattered to him but it always seemed of no consequence to her. 'A minute' was a flexible concept, without a boundary, entirely fitting only her internal clock. He felt his anger rise and knew that he was likely to snap if he was delayed just one more minute, just 60 secs more and he would be ready to lash out. Justifiably angry he walked to the door, jangling his keys. She carried on, apparently oblivious, picking up and putting down, acquiring and discarding.
Actually, she was anything but oblivious, only too aware of his anger, but his anger was pretty much continuous, most of what she, and everyone else did, simply fuelled his irritation. It was a given that something that she did would tip him into a rage, she had got used to just waiting for that moment, relieved when it came, the anguish of waiting over. They had tried various strategies, some of which had brought about a temporary reprieve , none of which had lasted. She was just waiting for the time to be right. Times were changing but he, so wrapped in his own zone , had failed to notice.
Small things should have alerted him. The college course that she had started, the one he had mocked, the one that had given her purpose for months. A few new clothes, not the shapeless ones with elastic waists that she had hidden herself in, but the neat ones that showed off her figure. He hadn't even seemed to notice her more frequent trips to the gym . So keen was he on his own agenda there was no room for hers in his world. She supposed it had always been like that. She hadn't noticed at first, so over whelmed was she by his attention, his need for her. His need had changed into his control of her, but she was so flattered that she mistook his dominance for attention. For years she had been governed by his ways, too fearful to break away and too needy to consider alternatives. It was really so simple anyway; do things his way and all would be well. Only his way grew more uncomfortable, more odd. She was too embarrassed to tell her friends, how could you admit that your husband insisted on you wearing clothes that he chose, whether you liked them or not? How could you explain that you feared his temper more than you feared the humiliation? She knew what they would say, they would say the same as she would say, 'just leave' oh so,simple. They wouldn't know about the money, the children, her parents.
But the climate was one of change. Mandy had made her bold. Mandy's hands had shown her the tenderness she had known she was missing, the love she craved. Like the cliche that it was, they had met on the day the course had begun. Polly hadn't before allowed herself the freedom of sexual adventure, too afraid to consider that anyone might find her attractive. Mandy burst into her life full of the enthusiasm that Polly didn't dare show. From the first unfamiliar fumblings they had grown in confidence, exploring their bodies and their emotions. Mandy had understood the fear and had worked with her to overcome it. Together they had planned the great 'get away', now, with less than a week to go, Polly sometimes shook with fear and sometimes trembled with anticipation. She still couldn't think it all through. The children were with friends for the week, her parents frail but still managing. Seemingly money was not an issue for Mandy.
She waited till he opened the door, his keys jangling. 'Are you coming or not?' He shouted. 'Not,' she said and waited for the anger to descend. 'Suit yourself' he shouted as he slammed the door. Usually she would weep at this point and race to get to the car before he left, but his time she simply stood and waited until the reverberation of the revved car had faded. She texted Mandy , 'now x' and waited. Doubt didn't start to creep in for a while. Half an hour passed as she finished her packing, she texted again and checked her screen repeatedly. He would be back soon and she wanted to be gone way before then. She felt bold and called a taxi, texted again and lugged her bags into the car as soon as it arrived.
She gave the address, 'you'll be lucky love, some trouble in that road according to control.' She told him to carry on, but she knew, from that moment, she knew, that the control was where it always had been.
He was standing in the road, with a gun in his hand. She nearly laughed and without another thought, walked up to him. 'Now you coward, put that toy down, let Mandy out of your car and just for once, sit down and shut up.' His shock was palpable and she simply walked to the car, opened the door and helped Mandy out. Giving her her phone she kissed her boldly and whispered that she had known that she wouldn't let her down.
'This' Polly said, 'is how things change, boldly and without fear, bullies back down and quiet women triumph. ' He slumped to the ground, defeated by change .
He shifted around, anxious to be gone, fretful because he knew she would make him wait, she always did. Time mattered to him but it always seemed of no consequence to her. 'A minute' was a flexible concept, without a boundary, entirely fitting only her internal clock. He felt his anger rise and knew that he was likely to snap if he was delayed just one more minute, just 60 secs more and he would be ready to lash out. Justifiably angry he walked to the door, jangling his keys. She carried on, apparently oblivious, picking up and putting down, acquiring and discarding.
Actually, she was anything but oblivious, only too aware of his anger, but his anger was pretty much continuous, most of what she, and everyone else did, simply fuelled his irritation. It was a given that something that she did would tip him into a rage, she had got used to just waiting for that moment, relieved when it came, the anguish of waiting over. They had tried various strategies, some of which had brought about a temporary reprieve , none of which had lasted. She was just waiting for the time to be right. Times were changing but he, so wrapped in his own zone , had failed to notice.
Small things should have alerted him. The college course that she had started, the one he had mocked, the one that had given her purpose for months. A few new clothes, not the shapeless ones with elastic waists that she had hidden herself in, but the neat ones that showed off her figure. He hadn't even seemed to notice her more frequent trips to the gym . So keen was he on his own agenda there was no room for hers in his world. She supposed it had always been like that. She hadn't noticed at first, so over whelmed was she by his attention, his need for her. His need had changed into his control of her, but she was so flattered that she mistook his dominance for attention. For years she had been governed by his ways, too fearful to break away and too needy to consider alternatives. It was really so simple anyway; do things his way and all would be well. Only his way grew more uncomfortable, more odd. She was too embarrassed to tell her friends, how could you admit that your husband insisted on you wearing clothes that he chose, whether you liked them or not? How could you explain that you feared his temper more than you feared the humiliation? She knew what they would say, they would say the same as she would say, 'just leave' oh so,simple. They wouldn't know about the money, the children, her parents.
But the climate was one of change. Mandy had made her bold. Mandy's hands had shown her the tenderness she had known she was missing, the love she craved. Like the cliche that it was, they had met on the day the course had begun. Polly hadn't before allowed herself the freedom of sexual adventure, too afraid to consider that anyone might find her attractive. Mandy burst into her life full of the enthusiasm that Polly didn't dare show. From the first unfamiliar fumblings they had grown in confidence, exploring their bodies and their emotions. Mandy had understood the fear and had worked with her to overcome it. Together they had planned the great 'get away', now, with less than a week to go, Polly sometimes shook with fear and sometimes trembled with anticipation. She still couldn't think it all through. The children were with friends for the week, her parents frail but still managing. Seemingly money was not an issue for Mandy.
She waited till he opened the door, his keys jangling. 'Are you coming or not?' He shouted. 'Not,' she said and waited for the anger to descend. 'Suit yourself' he shouted as he slammed the door. Usually she would weep at this point and race to get to the car before he left, but his time she simply stood and waited until the reverberation of the revved car had faded. She texted Mandy , 'now x' and waited. Doubt didn't start to creep in for a while. Half an hour passed as she finished her packing, she texted again and checked her screen repeatedly. He would be back soon and she wanted to be gone way before then. She felt bold and called a taxi, texted again and lugged her bags into the car as soon as it arrived.
She gave the address, 'you'll be lucky love, some trouble in that road according to control.' She told him to carry on, but she knew, from that moment, she knew, that the control was where it always had been.
He was standing in the road, with a gun in his hand. She nearly laughed and without another thought, walked up to him. 'Now you coward, put that toy down, let Mandy out of your car and just for once, sit down and shut up.' His shock was palpable and she simply walked to the car, opened the door and helped Mandy out. Giving her her phone she kissed her boldly and whispered that she had known that she wouldn't let her down.
'This' Polly said, 'is how things change, boldly and without fear, bullies back down and quiet women triumph. ' He slumped to the ground, defeated by change .
Follow us on Twitter
Follow us on Instagram