After The Flood

Entry by: macdonald

7th December 2015

After the Flood

My defences were breached and in an instant
I was swept away.
Mooring ropes trailing in your stream
Out of control, surging with your tide,
My roads and fields and dwellings,
A landscape of familiar contours submerged, unrecognisable.
All resistance pointless, my strength sapped
By your mysterious energy, powered by the moon
Dragging and pushing and blowing me
Into uncharted waters.
My heart heaving in my mouth
Dazed by your indifference to your terrible power
I abandoned myself to the ecstasy of movement
Borne along effortlessly by the floodwater that was you
My limbs cooled and saturated by your caress.

We drifted passed an ancient tree
Its branches filled with angels
Who guided us to a secret place, previously forbidden
And there we came to rest
And recognise a truth shown only to us
Shared only by us.
But all tides have only one highest point
And all beauty is transient.
I should have known you would recede
Abandoning me, a ravaged Jetsam.
Here now in a Tesco car park
Like a stranded Whale after a Great Flood
My heart a block of stone
Suffocating in an alien land
Fading memories of a song sung
In a vast ocean, timeless for an instant,
Now no more than an illusion.
Other shoppers keep their distance,
Within their white-washed lines, filling their boots
With Christmas bargains
Casting puzzled glances at my tears.
How could they know that
Last night you came back.

I heard you fussing around as you always did
And then undressing in the darkness
Putting on your red satin pyjamas
You came to bed and curled against my back.
The electric touch of your instep on my calf
Your soft body settling into the warm mattress.
I held my breath, my heart pounding,
Willing myself to stillness.
But when your sweet breath fell on my neck
And I smelled the perfume of your skin, and
Felt the touch of your arm draping lightly on my chest
I spun around and shattered the spell
And faced again the torment of that empty space
And the fragmented remnants of a dream.

Marker 1

What I liked about this piece: I liked the good strong image throughout the poem, of the flood being another person and the out of control element of this.
Favourite sentence: I should have known you would recede
Abandoning me, a ravaged Jetsam
Feedback: I thought this was a lovely piece and it conveyed the sense of loss really well. Particularly liked the ending, and the way it painted a picture. The last stanza was great.

I think the poem could benefit from further editing as some lines were superfluous and introduce new images that can be confusing. I think it would be better if the strong image of the flood is emphasised throughout. It mostly is, but lines such as 'suffocating in an alien land' seem inconsistent with the overall image and could do with either expanding on this and linking it to the rest, or omitting altogether.

However these are only ideas and poetry is read differently by every one who reads it, which is what makes it so magical. Overall, I enjoyed this piece, and I think your strength is in the details (such as the last stanza). Thanks for an interesting read.

Marker 2

What I liked about this piece: Some good descriptions here, giving a solid sense of the flood.
Favourite sentence: I should have known you would recede Abandoning me, a ravaged Jetsam
Feedback: This was an imaginative and descriptive piece, although I must admit I did not understand the ending. The first part seemed to suggest that the person in the poem had drowned. This was generally done well, although one small typo was present. 'We drifted passed an ancient tree,' should have been 'We drifted past an ancient tree.'
The last paragraph seemed to switch the theme to someone lamenting a lost love. I did not understand how the ending was relevant to the rest of the piece. Perhaps another verse would link these two parts together. The events also seemed to focus on things happening during the flood rather than after it. Some good writing in the space of an hour though.

Marker 3

What I liked about this piece: I love how you suddenly bring in the person, in the tesco car park, after the winding twisting description of pain. It has the effect of looking from both the outside and the inside. very poignant.
Favourite sentence: Fading memories of a song sung
In a vast ocean, timeless for an instant,
Feedback: At first I wasn't sure. I wasn't sure if I was reading poetry or prose. On further reading I realized it didn't matter and I went with the flow, being caught by surprise both in the middle and the end. I really enjoyed this. Very poignant and memorable.