Saving The World

Entry by: macdonald

16th December 2015

My Alphabet of Saving

'Save the Arctic,' pleaded Greenpeace, ten pounds is the price,
So because of me, the North Pole, it still has some ice.
And as long as they stop increasing their fee,
I'll probably go on saving the BBC.
Saving Children, I will always elevate
Way, way above just saving the Date.
What's this I've just heard about saving the world?

Saving the Environment is buried deep in my psyche
And for saving the Family, my campaign medal is likely
That coral, slowly bleaching on the Great Barrier Reef
I will save every scrap, is my true belief.
I would, if I could, do this work much faster,
But Heroes, the Internet, I've saved them all from disaster.
So, why do I need to save the world?

I helped save the Jaguar at Chester Zoo
And that cuddly Koala, not a bear,
More like a kangaroo.
The Last Dance, precious Memories
I saved them all for you, and still didn't forget
The NHS and that Orang-Utan too.
When should I start to save the world?

I got drunk saving the Pub, left the planet to you.
God saves the Queen, will she need me too?
Because of my efforts, the Rainforest will never be a has-been
And I've saved our Seas and the Trees
Deciduous and evergreen.
Not forgetting the Union, as 'Better Together' we've always been.
But how I do save the world?

Saving Vinyl, we hold the record, me and you,
But I saved the Whale; Humpback, Sperm and Blue.
To finish, an original Xbox saved in my loft,
Remember those games from Microsoft?
A clip on YouTube, I managed to upload,
That old Zebra crossing, I saved for our road.
But where do I start to save the world?

This A to Z of saving might never have been
If I'd just known to read Saint Augustine. He said
The world's a miracle, greater than all the things in it
And I realise now, I've got a new remit.
His world, my world, your world, he wrote the truth
And I've no need of further proof.
My work isn't over, I don't intend to quit
But who is going to help me save it?

Marker 1

What I liked about this piece: Nice idea to do write an alphabet of saving
Favourite sentence: This A to Z of saving might never have been
If I'd just known to read Saint Augustine.
Feedback: As I say, nice idea, and a good energy to the piece, but the problem with using an idea like this is that you find yourself shoehorning things in rather than letting your ideas flow. Also, if you're going to use rhyming couplets any inaccuracies will scream out at the reader and get in the way of what you're trying to say.

Marker 2

What I liked about this piece: Brilliant idea, superbly executed. I loved the ryhme, the pace, and the amazing way the A-Z was covered.
Favourite sentence: The Last Dance, precious Memories I saved them all for you, and still didn't forget The NHS and that Orang-Utan too.
Feedback: I loved reading this. It made me smile a lot. I have total admiration for the poet who came up with the idea and wrote such a superb piece.

Marker 3

What I liked about this piece: the thought behind it, literally going through the alphabet.
Favourite sentence: The world's a miracle, greater than all the things in it
Feedback: Full end rhymes detracted from this piece, feeling forced and taking meaning away, forcing grammatical mistakes etc. I liked the idea but felt this poem would be more authentic if let flow more naturally. aabbccd is hard to pull off well without sinking into cliches, and padding words, which this poem unfortunately did. A shame because I think the poet is obviously capable of more.