Youth Of Today

Entry by: Huntersmum

19th February 2016

I see them
Loping along in packs
Long legs eating up the asphalt.

I see flocks of them
Swooping across the road on two wheels
Heedless of oncoming traffic.

I scowl and want to shout Take more care!
Life is more precious than they realise.

I see them
Huddling on a freezing corner
Dragging on a cigarette
Hurling insults and obscenities at each other.

I see them
Prowling their territory
Preening and edging around the other sex.

I warm to these signs of frailty
The first fumbling steps in the courtship dance.

I see them
Moving aside for our buggy
Glancing at my son
as he gabbles an incomprehensible greeting.

Do they see his otherness
A simple mistake in tangles of DNA that has diverted his future
Waste products building up in this body I love so much
Grinding his brain to a halt?

I wish I could see further
See him strutting with the other lads
Being teased by a girl.

I wish I could see a woman like me
watching him with disapproval and tutting
Muttering under her breath, â€˜Youth of todayâ€¦!â€™

Marker 1

What I liked about this piece: Interesting metaphors and some nice ideas.
I am a lover of poetry so nice to read a poem.
Favourite sentence: Long legs eating up the asphalt
Feedback: I struggled just slightly with the format of the verses as there was a slight lack of inconsistency there. Also the ending was perhaps slightly rushed but it was an enjoyable, original piece of poetry. Thank you to the writer!

Marker 2

What I liked about this piece: The consistent viewpoint, the use of repetition, the tone of regret and longing
Favourite sentence: A simple mistake in tangles of DNA that has diverted his future
Waste products building up in this body I love so much
Grinding his brain to a halt?
Feedback: I enjoyed this and the eighth verse is stunning. I wonder why you have put a question mark at the end of it though?
I also wondered why you showed us more of the less appealing aspects of the youth of today if the mother's so regretful her son will never join them. It allows her the final sentiment but is that a true sentiment? Although she ardently wishes for a future for her son, would she really wish that future?

Marker 3

What I liked about this piece: The way it gradually reveals the complexity of the mother's viewpoint.
Favourite sentence: I wish I could see a woman like me
watching him with disapproval and tutting
Muttering under her breath, â€˜Youth of todayâ€¦!â€™
Feedback: Very sad, but very cleverly built up to the poignant conclusion.