In Or Out

In or out of Europe? The question just won't go away
But which of our Euro neighbours would spoil your holiday?
We've all heard tales of Gerry and his towel-wielding anxiety
Perhaps he was inspired by Hitch-hiking around the Galaxy?
Then there's Pierre (or Jean-Luc) who hops across La Manche
With frog legs and snails all smothered in garlic – no chance!
Clog-dancing Hans weaves through clouds of dope in Old Amsterdam
Luigi from Italy makes a fine pizza, but drowns food with oils from a can
Fernando from Spain can't be trusted – that's plain
"Give back Gibraltar!" he gibbers again and again
Ole's from Denmark: a good bacon farmer I have to agree
But for him the UK is no more than a place to buy booze Duty Free:
The taxes in HC Andersens "little land"
Will swiftly impoverish the ordinary man
Closer to home there's the Emerald Isle
And Good Old Paddy, with his plastic smile
Which can only be seen when he lowers his Guinness
And whispers a "horse's mouth" tip (which is never a Winner!)
North of the ruins of Hadrian's Wall
Lives Jock, who simply wants it all
An Independent Scotland, och aye! Oor ain Parliament, passing Scottish laws!
But we'll keep the Pound Sterling, and sit in your Houses of Commons and Lords
By contrast, of course, we English are Gentlemen: the picture of perfect manners
Except when we're fighting drunk, loud, abusive … and waving a soccer banner