The Secret Party

It began with a question mark.

The Twitter account, @secretparty, made its first tweet on the morning of 8th May 2015. In a tide of reaction to the surprise election of a majority conservative government, the initial offering of, ‘No Manifesto: No Lies’ went largely unnoticed.
The emergence of The Secret Party was one of the most remarkable social media events of the period, redefining the phrase ‘viral marketing’ as the movement took on a life of its own. Messages such as ‘Leave it to us. You don’t understand the issues anyway’ and ‘No politicians: No Liars’ seemed to resonate, particularly with the under 30’s. Whilst initially dismissed as a joke, or perhaps a piece of social commentary, the idea of The Secret Party began to gain traction. Increasing numbers of people started to claim support for a political party that claimed no policies, made no promises and perhaps most significantly, had a complete absence of personality. The only visual representation for the party was that striking black and white question mark, its only mouthpiece was Twitter.
Journalists tried to uncover the originator of the account but without success; the activist and hackers network, Anonymous, intercepted all attempts to trace the information. Investigators soon took their search off line; one quipped that if he was ‘rickrolled’ one more time, he would shoot himself.
Whoever the message was coming from, it struck a chord with the disenfranchised. The establishment went from ignoring The Secret Party, to dismissing it as a protest movement; a poor joke. The Secret Party received a huge boost to its followers when comedian and activist Russell Brand introduced it to a wider audience through his vlog; The Trews.
Any idea that this was simply a joke vanished when, within hours of the deadline, it fielded candidates across every constituency in the United Kingdom. Each candidate was registered with the same name; John Smith. These ‘John Smith’s’ all appear to be legitimate candidates; they have been nominated by the required number of constituents and have paid their £500 deposit. What they haven’t done is campaign; no leaflets, no door stepping, no websites. When asked why they nominated these candidates, the constituents (often students) explain that they expect more action and integrity from an invisible candidate than a normal politician.
Investigations into these individuals run as dry as their on-line predecessors; John Smith is not at home to callers, nor does he answer his phone or email; no matter which constituency you try him in. The occasional shot of a John Smith leaving a meeting has been captured, but although they seem to be distinct individuals they are homogenous; the same suit, the same haircut, average height and weight. Everyman.
One thing which no one is protesting; the rise of the Secret Party has seen a significant upswing in engagement amongst the traditionally disenfranchised groups. Voter registration is at an all-time high, but significantly there has been a decrease in postal voters. People don’t just want to vote; they want to put their X in the box in person. Rumours abound that voting will be disrupted by some kind of ‘flash mob’ event on the night.
The Party’s most recent message ‘Don’t waste your vote; let us do that’ has become a rallying cry for their supporters. It will be seen on the front of dozens of tee shirts in any pub in the country and those who don’t wear that design have something like ‘Je suis John Smith’ in its place.
The Prime Minister initially refused to comment on the popularity of the account and its messages, but when pressed on Question Time he issued a carefully spun sound bite thanking ‘the, presumably young, people’ behind the account for their work in involving more ‘kids’ in politics. Whilst at the time these remarks were considered merely condescending, it now seems that David Cameron may have completely misread the situation. There is a very real possibility that tomorrow morning he will have to leave number 10 and cede power over to an entirely unknown party.
It has already been speculated that polling stations in University areas will need to stay open past the close of the ballot in order to admit all who wish to vote. After being burned in 2015, pundits are reluctant to place too much weight on exit polls but one thing is clear, the arrival of The Secret Party has changed the political landscape forever.
Which leaves only one question to ask yourself: Who are you going to vote for?

?