Avoidance Of Doubt

Psalm of Avoidance

Before my mother died she
wondered if her pancreas
had absorbed the life-long
anger she failed to shower
upon my father. His lover
was not mentioned, nor
the daughter - my half-sister -
who was and was not part
of our family. At that time
the lover and her daughter
did not exist in my mind
- they materialised after
the flames swallowed Mum.
I was unresponsive to her
desire to blame Dad for
a cancer which assumed
the mantle of Grim Reaper.
Instead I thought of her acts
of non-love: the hammer,
the damage to Dad's desk;
the beef liver that reddened
his face when she came over
all spontaneous. So I told her
I doubted emotions could be
wholly responsible for illness.
We did not speak of it again.