I Can Change

I Can Change...

"Oyster Madness"

Said the therapist,
You cannot change
But you can change
The Way You Feel About It.

Big ask. I look within
And see a black pearl
Growing through the years,
Layer on layer.

The seed is a child,
The inner core a youth.
Outer layers of ego
Ripen in brittle skins:

Adult lust-madness,
Death-terror and
Consciousness immaculate,
And excruciating.

Look outside to horror
Of the floating world -
It's all perception
But it will not change -

Smug-suited "radicals"
(Going forward, of course),
Blood-suited radicals
Death-enchanted

Parties of chaos
Posing as order
Paedaphile net-users
Child-abuse fathers.

Weapon sales to Saudis
Drowning refugees
Status craving Blairites
Rap music frigid

Middle class excuses,
Life-denying sitcoms
Festival mud-crowds
Worshipers of crap

Cultural sagging
I-phone zombie kids
Trident death whales
Irridescent doom

Madness re-newing
Thatcher exhuming
Death in the desert,
Death in the desert.

Sent to the back, I spent my school days
Observing trees and changing clouds.

I was an autistic telephone operator,
Sat on the moon plugging in my
Disconnected leads.

It was calm then,
Sat at the back -
The clouds will always change.
The time will always pass.

But when they dig over my grave
To make way for other shells
From other spent lives,
They will find a big, black pearl

As big as my heart.