To The Lions
Entry by: vinita18
12th February 2014
Said the baby Giraffe to the Lions
I am born from my mother's milk
It has always tasted of fear
And rung alarm bells at the teat
She tells me that in order to be safe
I must always feel unsafe
These savannah grasslands are like my eyes
Open and wide and green with envy
At your power, great lions!
They say you have a golden coat, an auburn mane
Though I always see it soaked in red blood, I don't know why
Gazelles, zebra foals, wilder beasts
Pass on their heartbeats to me
When they fall prey to your prowess
I see the air churn sickeningly
Like a mad man's mind, whenever you are around
Mother says it's not your fault that you kill
Hunger is nothing if not motivating
If leaves could talk, wouldn't they admonish us for devouring them?
Yet, even if it's natural and ok for you to hunt
I can't help but wonder about love
Where does love go when lives are suddenly extinguished
When mothers lament the cruelty of loss
And children anguish over missing parents
When tears are unstoppable and milk lies wasted in the udders,
Is that why the air feels moist? Is that when new shoots come to life
On mangled, rootless tree barks?
*********
I am born from my mother's milk
It has always tasted of fear
And rung alarm bells at the teat
She tells me that in order to be safe
I must always feel unsafe
These savannah grasslands are like my eyes
Open and wide and green with envy
At your power, great lions!
They say you have a golden coat, an auburn mane
Though I always see it soaked in red blood, I don't know why
Gazelles, zebra foals, wilder beasts
Pass on their heartbeats to me
When they fall prey to your prowess
I see the air churn sickeningly
Like a mad man's mind, whenever you are around
Mother says it's not your fault that you kill
Hunger is nothing if not motivating
If leaves could talk, wouldn't they admonish us for devouring them?
Yet, even if it's natural and ok for you to hunt
I can't help but wonder about love
Where does love go when lives are suddenly extinguished
When mothers lament the cruelty of loss
And children anguish over missing parents
When tears are unstoppable and milk lies wasted in the udders,
Is that why the air feels moist? Is that when new shoots come to life
On mangled, rootless tree barks?
*********
Feedback: Average score: 276 (55%)
Marker comments:
Marker 1
- Feedback: - What sort of imagery/ideas could be included to help get away from some of the cliche ideas or imagery that we're shown here?
- Is the first line needed?
- How would changing up some of the stanzas or moving around different parts of the poem help to create more emotional engagement for the reader?
Marker 2
- Feedback: I guess it's the typical response to the title, but this beautifully evocative piece of writing takes the opportunity to explore the death of a young giraffe at a much deeper level.
The twist from what is physically natural to the question of where strong emotions go is executed well.
A really thoughtful response to the title.
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