Beauty From Ashes

Ashes

Eva watched the waves crash hungrily at the cliffs below. She stared out at the bleak grey sky that stretched out until it met the ravenous navy sea on the horizon.
Eva looked down at the sharp drop . took a deep breath and closed her eyes. She could do this she told herself. Her David had done it and now she would too.
Even though it terrified her. Afterwards people would pass her off as crazy unbalanced with grief.
Eva watched the sea and pondered on its ability to evoke memories as lost and buried as a pin in the ocean.
The first time David had kissed her it had been awful. She actually laughed out loud now, a mad woman laughing in the wind, standing there on the edge of a cliff. Fearing fizzing in every vein like the surf fizzing below.
They had been nineteen, giggling chatty arm and arm, coming home from the town hall disco, blind drunk. Disgraceful behaviour her mum would called it. She would have branded her a trollop.
They walked the back lanes to Eva's house to escape prying eyes. Nobody needed social networks in a terraced street in a little welsh valley to spread news.
There amongst the the old rotting wooden gates and smelly rubbish bags they had said goodnight. Then they stood there for a moment awkwardly waiting for each other to make the move they both craved so much.
Just as as she had given up waiting and turned toward her gate David thrust his head forward. They banged heads and locked lips hastily. It was awful but it got better. She knew it was his first kiss it definitely wasn't hers. She'd never forget that night and she never told him any different.
They were married two years later. The first few years they were married they were broke. They didn't have an apnea to rub together. But that didn't matter. They might have been poor but they laughed all day as her granny used to say.
Looking out at the sea it reminded her of people, so much hidden beneath the surface, so much hidden from view buried. Like her grief for David
Her and David had told each other they loved each other every day, but there was so much they never said. Perhaps i love you was enough.
It had been a shock to find out David was ill. He was so energetic and a tower of strength. He was such a live wire. But cancer didn't discriminate.
The man she had loved disappeared quicker than water down a plug. David had enjoyed his life and there was a big difference between living a life and enjoying one.
David was fearless; fairground rides, extreme sports , motorbikes tackling a agng of youth over bad language. Eva worried about everything David worried about nothing. But it had still shocked her when he came here and did what he did.
At first he had vowed to beat cancer, it was the only vow he ever broke. Eva was the exact opposite of David she was quiet and reserved. Even towards the end David didn't lose the spark in his eyes.
Steven was there first born then two years later came Bryan the a year later then John. 'Dont you have a television.' the neighbours would call. The boys were davids eyes. He doted on them
She wondered what they'd say afterwards. She hadn't left a note, any hint of what she had beed planning or where she was going. The boys were so over protective they treated her like fragile glass.
She felt the first prick of tears appear in the corner of her eyes and took sharp breaths to try and calm herself. Today wasn't about grief, She could have grieved walking around a shop or doing the dishes, or when she saw something funny or something sad, she wanted to tell him about. She could grieve every time she realised he wasn't here anymore or grieve when she started to realise she missed him a bit less.
She was determined to do this today. Nobody to try and convince her not to there was nobody here to stop her. Nobody here to catch her that was the point.
This is where she had scattered David's ashes. David wouldn't have wanted to be plonked on a fire place. He would have wanted to be free and in the wild. She had emptied his ashes and watched them fly and dance around her in the wind.
David had always been full of surprises but then he had surprised everyone one last time by abseiling off a cliff face for a cancer charity. Her slot was in an hour and now she would the same.
If she could throw herself off a cliff she could do anything.