Who Are You?

Entry by: fhaedra

5th December 2014

I

Red bird kite unstringed
suspect speck
cloud surfer

air between leaves
riff before Windsong

arc behind rainbow
transposition of keys

footprints in snow
light illusion of Dreams

Hope shuffler
hysterics muffler
paper folder
pencil holder

big Mama shoulder
awesome life beholder
secret world unfolder

wandering word juggler
grateful pale blue dot snuggler

invincible
patient
covert
hungry
seeker of what where who why when songs

unfinished
oh not lonesome
this story

Me.

Marker 1

What I liked about this piece: lovely rhythm and progress
Favourite sentence: footprints in snow
light illusion of Dreams
Feedback: Really enjoyed reading, reads like a poetic diary through the years, and you seem like a great person!

Liked the change third of the way in, seems true to life. Thought style worked, although asks the reader to do some work - not 100% sure of your intentions here as it starts very visual and ends descriptive.

High marks, thanks for writing!

Marker 2

What I liked about this piece: some isolated parts
Favourite sentence: Me.
Feedback: Not convinced it works on enough levels

Marker 3

What I liked about this piece: I like the way it sounds like a bird pecking
Favourite sentence: invincible
patient
covert
hungry
Feedback: This is a fairly obvious take on the title which is elevated by its style - I hope that you are a little bit like a bird hopping and pecking, hiding and darting, because that is how I imagine you from this piece!