What Would Jesus...

Four men sat around the table, their reflections mirroring each movement in the polished wood. Neutral tones adorned the walls, the only splash of colour in the room a large bowl of fruit in the centre, untouched. It’s artistic arrangement putting off any but the hungriest of snackers.

‘To maintain confidentiality on this project, my client wishes to be referred to as “Brian” in all conversation and documentation, do I have your agreement, gentlemen?’

The speaker sat, isolated, on one side of the table facing three younger men. They each nodded, or verbalised their agreement, the alpha male speaking up to add, ‘The NDA is in place, and we are used to dealing with high profile clients, please reassure…Brian…that his wishes will be respected.’

‘Thank you.’ The older man gave a brief smile, ‘You can call me John. That is, in fact, my name.’

A brief ripple of polite amusement ran between the three men on the other side. ‘I’m Nate,’ responded Alpha male, nodding to his left,

‘Dan’ and right, ‘Theo.’

‘Good to meet you, Gentlemen. So how should we begin.’

‘Well, we understand that your client has been an influential figure in the past and would like to return to public life, is that correct? He wishes to reach out to young people, in particular?’

John weighed the question a moment before nodding, ‘Young people need good teachers, like visible angels.’

‘Alright. So perhaps you could tell us a little bit about the history, how it is that, er, Brian came to be influential.’

‘He was a very persuasive speaker. He met with people, talked to them, and tasked them to go out and speak on his behalf.’

‘An MLM scheme?’ asked Theo.

‘Sorry?’

‘Multi-level marketing,’ Nate supplied, after glancing between his colleagues and asserting his superiority, again. ‘Imagine a pyramid, with you at the top. You sell something to others, who sell to others who…well, you get the idea.’

‘Ah. No, Brian didn’t sell anything.’

‘No? Was he an entertainer, then?’

‘No. No. He was a leader, an inspiration.’

‘Oh!’ Dan gave a sage nod, ‘A Tony Robbins type figure. Lifestyle guru.’

John suppressed a smile, cleared his throat and nodded, ‘Close enough.’

‘And your role, John?’ asked Nate.

‘I’m here to make straight the way.’

‘Facilitator, gotcha. Well,’ Nate said, leaning forward, ‘I don’t know how much time has elapsed since Brian was an influential figure.’

‘A long time, and yet no time at all,’ murmured John.

‘But to be honest, even if it was only last year, things have changed a great deal. This is a period of intense and rapid change in the communications industry; to be blunt, Brian won’t be able to gain a large following by doing personal appearances this time around. Even if he could fill stadiums…’ Nate showed his palms to the room as he puckered his lips, shrugging with the helplessness of it all. ‘I think we should probably start with the message, in any event. What was the message, last time around?’

‘Hope,’ Brian began, to blank faces from the other side of the table. ‘I am the way, the truth and the life,’ he intoned.

‘Truth?’ asked Dan, as Theo winced and shook his head.

‘Truth doesn’t play anymore,’ Nate explained. ‘We’re in a post-truth world.’

‘Post. Truth?’

‘Yes Sir. The people are done with experts, they don’t want to be told what to do. Popularity, these days, comes from being seen to “give it to the man”, you know? Rebellion.’

John spread his hands across the table, widening his fingers, watching as his warmth left a mist of condensation around them. ‘Brian did stand up to, uh, big business. He felt there was corruption in the church, and took a physical stand against its influence.’

‘Shades of Michael Moore?’ Theo murmured, leaning towards Nate, confidentiality.

‘Hmmm. That might play well with the people, but it’s unlikely to endear him to corporate sponsors. I’m assuming Brian can’t finance this campaign himself?’

‘Uh, no. The church may donate to his campaign-’ John stopped short at the expressions of concern that sprang, in perfect synchronicity, onto the faces opposite him.

‘The church?’

‘Yes.’

‘Religious ties are…problematic,’ Nate explained.

‘Because?’

‘Young people are increasingly agnostic. Those who do believe are spread among the religions of the world. When you say church, you mean Christian?’

John nodded, unable to supress a smile.

‘It’s a declining religion-’

‘Which is why Brian is looking to…stage a comeback.’

‘Which may well win him support in America’s heartland, but it’s unlikely to get the sorts of numbers that have real influence. You said it was young people that, uh, Brian was particularly concerned about?’

John gave another nod, as he uncapped the bottle of mineral water and poured some into a glass.

‘Young people…they really respond better to messages from entertainment figures. Beyonce, the Kardashians, Lady Gaga…’

‘I have no idea who any of those people are,’ John admitted.

‘Bing! Brainwave!’ Dan exclaimed, his expression lighting up with enthusiasm for his own thoughts.

‘Share,’ Nate ordered.

‘Fauxmance!’ Theo and Nate wobbled their heads, mulling it over as John watched from beneath raised brows.

‘Is Brian single?’ snapped Nate.

‘Single? Uh, yes?’

‘Good. That could play. Gay or straight?’

John’s jaw dropped at the question, but he was spared the need to answer it by a dismissive wave from Nate. ‘Doesn’t matter. I think that’s definitely something we need to keep in the armoury. Good thinking, Dan.’

‘I’m not sure that would be appropriate. Romance…it isn’t really what Jee…Brian is all about. His message is about love, certainly, but for your fellow man. He wants to return, to preach against rising intolerance. To remind people that they are more alike than different, to reach out to each other…’

‘He’s going to need a new message. Russell Brand has already said all that,’ Nate said, dismissing the idea with a hand wave.

‘But…Brian speaks with a real authority. His message comes from his father-’

‘His father? Well that doesn’t sit well with the rebel thing, does it? Is he from an old family then?’

John stared at the light refracting off the crystal-clear water as he raised the glass. Eyeing the contents, he whispered, ‘I wish Brian was here now, with his party tricks,’ then slugged the liquid back, smacking his lips like the H2O was hard liquor.

‘His family?’ Nate insisted.

‘Just about the oldest you can get,’ Brian agreed.

‘Mixed messages,’ Theo said, drumming his fingers on the table.

‘Abso-lutely,’ Dan agreed.

‘What does that mean?’

‘It means…Brian is going to need to work with someone on his brand identity, before we can even start marketing him. He needs to decide who he is, rebel or peacemaker, a new way or the same old, same old.’

‘And…we have to be sensitive about this question but what is Brian’s ethnic mix?’ asked Theo.

‘His ethnic mix?’

‘Yes. It’s just…well, although the USA took a big step forward when it elected President Obama,’ Theo wrinkled his nose in a regretful wince, ‘They took two steps back when they elected Donald Trump. Is Brian a white male, by any chance?’

‘Uh. No. He’s Israeli…’

Three mouths formed perfect, regretful, O’s.

‘That’s going to be tricky.’ Nate said.

‘Yu-uh!’ said Theo.

‘Tricky. Right.’ John smoothed his brow, and pushed away from the table. ‘So, brand identity and message, before marketing?’

‘That would be our recommendation,’ agreed Nate.

‘Thank you. Thank you. God forgive me if I asked more of you than I thanked you.’

‘Uh…OK?’ said Theo.

As John walked from the room, the three men shared a glance.

‘That is going to be one tough campaign, you know?’

‘I know!’ Dan exploded into noise and action, pushing his chair back. ‘So little understanding. It’s like he was from a totally different era!’