Shadows And Charades

Entry by: Tauren

29th December 2016

Shades and Charades

The crushing dark lays waste to me
"Relieve them of your burdening weight,"
Oblivion`s muse yet whispers on
I try, and as ever fail to work her words from my mind
our spiral dance once more`s renewed

From my bed I prise exhausted limbs
Escape once more Its succubus lure
While in mirrors, shades of me gaze back
My siren murmurs her sly refrain
"Useless, pointless, worthless you,"
Our dance continues

My morning ritual endured
As painfully, I rebuild a facsimile of me
The one I place before the world
My bold charlatan face

In loving ones eyes haunts a weary sadness
Their comfort words rain unheard on soil incapable of absorption
"You are the source of all their pain,"
The siren cries, ever louder now
"How can you continue?"
And on we dance

Beyond the threshold,
A world bleached of all colour and joy awaits
With painted smile I brace; step forth
None see the actor playing the part of me
I am well rehearsed
All are fooled

The day ends, survived once more
Wasted, I lay in fetal pursuit of sleep
The siren, shrill now
Her words/My thoughts
"FRAUD, FAILURE, COWARD!!"
Resound throughout my mind

At last a fitful slumber claims me

Tomorrow we dance again

Marker 1

What I liked about this piece: It took many read throughs to be clear - but I liked the depth and angst of the voice. The insecurities and the play to appear that all is well - something that many of us do?
Favourite sentence: I rebuild a facsimile of me
The one I place before the world
Feedback: I feel sad for the protagonist and wondered how personal this poem is? I could identify with many of the sentiments and was therefore engaged with the dialogue.

Marker 2

What I liked about this piece: The syntax and the pace work well in this and I like the imagery of the siren and the dance.
Favourite sentence: And on we dance
Feedback: Generally, I like the way this is done, and the cadences and the syntax. I think that at times this felt a little too self-consciously poetic and the turns of phrase could be a bit overwrought.

Marker 3

What I liked about this piece: It addresses the issue of battling for your self-esteem against another's put-down quite effectively.
Favourite sentence: While in mirrors, shades of me gaze back
Feedback: This works well in parts, but I found that in several places a line then came along that knocked it off track and out of rhythm. I don't know whether that was deliberate or was something that could be improved with more work.