Shadows And Charades

Entry by: Sirona

30th December 2016

Feedback: Average score: 208 (42%)

Marker comments:

Marker 1

• What I liked about this piece: It's a good structure, good use of rhyme, concise
• Favourite sentence: Your past
  is cast
  like shadow
  over
  all you do.
• Feedback: I like the opening stanza but it does not develop sufficiently from then on in. There's not enough to hook my emotions or engage my thought. There is a good opportunity to flesh out the themes.

Marker 2

• What I liked about this piece: Short and to the point
• Favourite sentence: obfuscate
• Feedback: The words do somehow feel as though they have been cobled together and im afraid I just don't feel this one. I feel it's deep desire to be momentous, but from this a certain self importance to it that I find quite off putting.