Who Are You?
Entry by: loschneide
5th December 2014
Come On Girl
I say to myself
as I fill a glass with water for the night.
“Come on, little girl. You are tired.
I’ll put you to bed.â€
My mother awoke today for a moment
from her kaleidoscope world
where my father is 25,
my brother struggles to be born,
her sister is dying again,
she is selecting a hat for church,
and always, always searching for her own mother.
She placed her hand on mine and asked again,
“Who are you?â€
I said, “I am your only daughter.â€
She smiled like she had just made
a butterscotch cake for dinner
and said, “Poor little girl.â€
I counsel anxious and depressed clients,
work with autistic, aggressive, and withdrawn children,
know the art of psycho-dynamic therapy
and cognitive behavioral therapy,
even write poetry
which I have read in New York City and Chicago,
but she’s right again. I am also
a poor little girl whose mother is almost gone
and I must fill my own glass
with water for this night.
I say to myself
as I fill a glass with water for the night.
“Come on, little girl. You are tired.
I’ll put you to bed.â€
My mother awoke today for a moment
from her kaleidoscope world
where my father is 25,
my brother struggles to be born,
her sister is dying again,
she is selecting a hat for church,
and always, always searching for her own mother.
She placed her hand on mine and asked again,
“Who are you?â€
I said, “I am your only daughter.â€
She smiled like she had just made
a butterscotch cake for dinner
and said, “Poor little girl.â€
I counsel anxious and depressed clients,
work with autistic, aggressive, and withdrawn children,
know the art of psycho-dynamic therapy
and cognitive behavioral therapy,
even write poetry
which I have read in New York City and Chicago,
but she’s right again. I am also
a poor little girl whose mother is almost gone
and I must fill my own glass
with water for this night.
Feedback: Average score: 407 (81%)
Marker comments:
Marker 1
- What I liked about this piece: A beautifully structured piece that told a long story with the brevity of a poem.
- Favourite sentence: I am also a poor little girl whose mother is almost gone and I must fill my glass with water for this night.
- Feedback: This almost made me cry. It's an evocative step outside, the writer seeing themselves across their achievements and roles, but ultimately understanding the importance of their relationship with their mother. I thought this was a fantastic response to the title.
Marker 2
- What I liked about this piece: The subject - Alzheimer's
- Favourite sentence: ...and I must fill my own glass
with water for the night - Feedback: Brilliant piece of writing. Touching but not overly dramatic.
Marker 3
- What I liked about this piece: Its emotional impact, connecting the pieces of families through memory or lack therof
- Favourite sentence: 'My mother awoke today for a moment
from her kaleidoscope world ' - Feedback: Has huge emotional impact - conveys effectively the importance of the mother figure for stability in life, regardless of whatever other roles one may have.
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