On Doctor's Orders

On Doctor’s orders.

Emma lay in bed staring at her light blue curtains. She could see that it was light outside but she could not bring herself to begin the day. It was simply too painful.

Emma heard the key turn in her front door.
‘Emma it’s me, I’ve come to see how you are?’ Emma groaned and rolled over. As much as she loves her sister Alice, she could not face being friendly.
‘Morning,’ Alice said as she opened the bedroom curtains, allowing the light to come in. ‘Why aren’t you out of bed? Come on, lying there all day is not going to change things.’
Emma pulled the duvet over her head, ‘get out. Leave me alone. I want to be by myself.’
‘I know you do, however, you are coming with me. Put on these clothes and come downstairs.’
Emma reluctantly pulled on an old pair of joggers and her cosy jumper. Catching her reflection in the mirror Emma groaned, she ran her fingers through her unruly hair.

Alice signalled to the kitchen table, ‘sit down, I have made you eggs.’
‘Thank you, but you really needn’t have bothered, I’m not hungry.’
‘Listen I am your big sister and I am telling you to eat.’
Emma picked up her teaspoon and tapped the top of the egg before dipping her soldiers into the runny yoke.
‘You know wallowing in self-pity is not going to change what happened?’
‘I know that, I’m not stupid, but what have I got left now?’
‘Oh I don’t know, let me think. You have a beautiful home, friends and a wonderful sister who is giving up her spare time to make sure you don’t do something idiotic.’
‘Great, now I am a nutter.’
‘I didn’t say that. What would mom say if she could see you like this, moping around, wasting your time?’
Emma felt her cheeks blush, ‘why do you have to bring mom into this?’
‘I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that, I just want to see you happy again.’
‘It’s okay, it’s going to take time. I’m not just going to be able to get over the last few months quickly.’
‘I know. Listen, please don’t shout at me but I have booked you in to see Doctor Williams this afternoon. I really think you need some extra support to get through this.’
Emma couldn’t help but feel as though her sister was interfering in her life. ‘What? Why would you do that behind my back? I don’t want to talk to someone about my problems, it’s too embarrassing.’

Begrudgingly, Emma followed Alice out of the house and into the car. Emma’s head rested against the cold window, the tears softly dropping onto her lap. Alice reached over and took Emma’s hand, ‘we will get through this together.’
Emma nodded.

As Emma entered the surgery the familiar, stuffy warm smell welcomed her in. Emma’s name was called over the tannoy. Emma stood to face Alice, ‘please could you come in with me?’
‘Hi Emma, I’m Doctor Williams, take your time and tell me what the problem is?’
Emma took a deep breath in and slowly let it out. ‘It all appeared to have started when I fell pregnant, I was twelve weeks. We were over the moon. We had been trying for over two years.’ Emma wiped her eyes and wiped her nose, too embarrassed to blow it in front of the doctor. Alice patted Emma’s hand. ‘After I had lost the baby, Andy, that’s my husband, he left me. He packed his things and just left. He said it was because he couldn’t handle the pressure of trying to start a family.’
Alice cleared her throat. ‘Andy hadn’t told Emma the whole truth. Emma found out through mutual friends that Andy had been having an affair for about a year and that his new partner was due to give birth.’
Emma broke down whilst listening to her sister’s words. The doctor leaned forward offering Emma another tissue. ‘Here, take the box.’
Emma smiled, ‘thank you.’
‘Emma you have been through a lot and it’s not surprising that you are feeling so low. If you are happy, I would like to write you a prescription for anti-depressants and I would like you to talk to one of our counsellors. There is a waiting list so can I recommend that in the meantime you look after yourself, go out with your friends, start a new hobby, perhaps even go on holiday?’

Driving home Alice jokingly asked, ‘so when are we going to go away?’
‘We aren’t, I just want to go back to my bed and sleep. I’m not even sure I want to wake up.’
‘Emma, don’t speak like that!’ Alice shouted. ‘You are being so selfish. You know I care about you and I am trying to help you and you keep pushing me and your friends away. Do you know where I am supposed to be this afternoon?’
‘No.’
‘I’m meant to be watching Jamie in his first school play. I was too worried about you to go.’
Emma gripped the door handle, ‘I didn’t ask you to come around, in fact, I even told you to leave me alone.’
Alice pulled over, ‘get out, you can walk from here.’
Emma turned to open the passenger door, ‘fine!’ Slamming the car door, Alice sped off leaving Emma to walk home in the pouring rain.

Three days had passed and each day the guilt and shame had grown deeper. Emma could not bring herself to apologise to her sister. She knew that she had acted like a child and had to find a way to say sorry. Later that night, flicking through a magazine, an advert caught Emma’s eye, ‘that’s it, that’s how I can say sorry.’

The next day, Emma stood on Alice’s doorstep. Reaching for the doorbell Emma felt her hand shake. ‘Don’t be so silly’ she told herself. Alice opened the door, ‘what do you want? I thought you didn’t want to see me?’
‘Alice, please just hear me out. I am sorry for the way I was behaving. You were right, I was being selfish, I pushed you away and that wasn’t fair.’
Emma cleared her throat, ‘I’ve bought you a gift, a way of saying thank you.’ Emma held up two plane tickets, ‘well it is on doctors’ orders.’
Alice couldn’t help but allow the grin to spread across her face, ‘you better come in then.’