An Alternative Explanation

“But why me?”

“Who else could I trust with such a vital task?”

“Well what about Peter? He`s always wanting more responsibility.”

“Peter, Pfff, he`s such a coward. He`d get half way there, then turn and run, telling me that; yes of course he`d done as I`d asked. I`m sorry my love, I know it`s asking a lot, but it has to be you.”

“But there must be another way?”

Jesus sighed, reached over; the coarse linen sheet slipping down his bare torso as he did, resting his right palm on Judas`s chest. “Father says it has to be this way,” he said sadly. “You think I want this, for either of us. But father says…..”

“Father, father, father,” Judas snapped, making to push Jesus`s hand away, but at the last moment clasping it instead, and in a softer tone that spoke to his terror, said, “I`m afraid,” tears dribbling down his cheeks as he did.

“I know,” Jesus said, feeling his lover’s chest shuddering under his hand, turning onto his side to face him more fully.
“You think I`m not, but father…” he paused as Judas`s hand tightened on his own at the mention of his father. He waited until Judas`s hand relaxed before continuing, “Father says it has to be this way. I`m sorry my love, do you think this is what I want for either of us.”

He shuffled across the bed until they were side by side, resting his head on Judas`s chest, hearing how quickly his lover`s heart was pattering, “Soon we will be together for eternity, me at father`s right hand, you at mine, we will never have to hide our love again.” He reached up to kiss Judas on the lips, but the other man turned his head away, Jesus`s peck landing on his cheek instead.

“The others are already jealous of me,” Judas complained, “especially Peter; if I do this they will truly despise me. Can`t you at least tell them why I`m doing it?”

Jesus gave an exasperated sigh, immediately regretting it when he felt Judas stiffen. Propping himself up on one elbow he said, “Look at me.” When Judas kept his head turned away, he said it again, this time more forcefully, not a request this time, but a command. Unable to resist, a reluctant Judas turned his face towards him.

“I`ve explained it to you,” Jesus said, forcing the irritation from his voice, “If they knew the truth they wouldn’t be able to help themselves, they`d betray you to try to save me. They have to think you a traitor. It won`t work otherwise.”

“What if I don’t want it to work?” Judas`s said, his tone petulant once more, “what if I want to spend this life with you, isn’t that enough?”

Jesus smiled a sad smile, reached out, caressed Judas`s cheek, feeling the soft down of his beard under his fingertips. “I promise you my love,” he said, “The pain we shall endure over the coming days will be as a blink compared to the eternity of joy that awaits us in my father`s kingdom. You were my first disciple, my first love; there shall never be anyone in my heart before you, not even father.”

He leaned forward to kiss his lover, this time Judas making no attempt to rebuff him, instead returning his kiss twofold, “Oh Jesus,” he murmured when at last they parted, fresh tears prickling his eyes, “I do not know if I shall ever be able to forgive myself.”

“Hush,” said Jesus, wrapping his arms around him, “hold me one more time before you go.”

After they had made love one last time, as Jesus lay on his side, facing away from his love, feigning sleep, silent tears trickling across the bridge of his nose. Judas slipped quietly from their bed, stealing into the night to do as his master and lover bade.


And the rest; as they say; is mythology……