Geese And Swans

Entry by: Madkins

11th April 2017

I look out
Waiting, listening, seeing.
Time waits for no girl. All experience this.
And itâ€™s now my time to step away from the ashes of doubt.
Enter.

I look down
At the lifeless limp limbs.
Shades of rose fragments shed and plummet
Transforming into rough microscopic coals like dominos
Cascading all over my figure, and I cry.

Itâ€™s too soon.
Please, not now.
Tomorr- already the grey enflames and stirs.
Ruby and crimson sting, and bursts through the murky grey tufts.
I must let go; let it happen; let it envelop me.

Snow lace curves and
Bends and wraps around each dark crevice,
Ivory plumes usurp,
Gold glimmers, shields against the shadows,
protecting the smooth, silky ice from ruptures.

I look up with two pricks of amber and allow
My majestic wings like feathery sails to broaden and engulf the stars.
Slowly, I swoop and plunge deep
In search for what I need to keep
Close to my breast to be what I must be.

Have I finally turned into the swan?

Marker 1

What I liked about this piece: It was beautiful, with vivid descriptions and a very deep meaning. I loved it and will be rereading it for sure.
Favourite sentence: Step away from the ashes of doubt
Feedback: This is a gorgeous piece. Wow, well done! A beautiful tale about inhibitions, letting them go and finally accepting who we are. An excellent example of the swan metaphor.

Marker 2

What I liked about this piece: Kafkaesque almost with the transformation into a swan. A good approach
Favourite sentence: Waiting listening seeing
Feedback: An enjoyable peice. Well done. Nice language too. Well done

Marker 3

What I liked about this piece: Nice mix of metaphor and simile
Favourite sentence: I must let go; let it happen; let it envelop me.
Feedback: The central metaphor distracted because it's a duckling that turns into a swan - not a goose. Otherwise nice piece but some overused words e.g. grey in stanza 3.