Never Say Die

NEVER SAY DIE

I don’t know what He was thinking. I’ve lived in that garden for quite a while on my own but He thought it would be a good idea to make another creature similar to me, except I have a willy-ma-jig and “she” has none.

Surprising, because he said to me that I would have free will and all that stuff. I thought He meant I could decide things for myself. Instead he has landed me with a WOA-Man so that most of the things I want to do are made difficult.

For example, I like to do a bit of gardening so I built a nice little shed and put a few things in it like a comfy chair made out of sheeps’wool and a jug made out of a gourd so I could have a little drink on occasions.

Oh No! WOA-Man said,
“What do we need a shed for? We need a shelter when it rains and a store room for food,” .....forgetting that we have acres of fruit trees and dozens of farm animals roaming around, so we can get what we want with a snap of the fingers.

And another thing, who does she think she is, bringing that snake into my shed?

I had a word with HIM about that. I said:

“What is that slippery thing doing here in the first place? "

He gave me that patronising smile and said “The Lord knows best and I have made the earth and all things in it, and it is good”

Does He realize that she encourages it to sit with her under the big tree outside my shed? I caught them whispering the other day and when I asked what about, the reptile just slipped away without a word. She said it was just a joke but I felt they were plotting something to upset me.

Then that night she snuggled up to me and asked me what I wanted most?
I said “you know what I want but you’re never in the mood.”
She simpered and cuddled up to me so I couldn’t resist could I? But when it was over, she told me that I was too timid and I could get a lot more out of Him if I showed a bit of spirit.

“I like a man with a bit of spirit” she said in a meaningful way. I wondered what man she was talking about because I was the only man about in these parts as far as I could tell.

Two days later that damned snake was round again coiling about her neck and whispering in her ear. Worst of all, he had picked one of the apples off the big tree.
It was a beauty, large as a pomegranate and red as a ruby.
The serpent rubbed its surface with his slinky skin and it took on a shine like a mirror.
“Now you’ve done it “I said “You know it’s off limits to eat them.”
“No it’s not,” he simpered “He said we should not eat the fruit on the tree so I’ve picked one and that’s ok.”
“Of course it is,” chimed in WO-Man “Anyone can see that”
That did stop me in my tracks. I recall His warning that we should not eat the fruit, but was it “ON” the tree or “Of” the tree? I didn’t want to ask Him again in case He got stroppy but I saw the two of them nibbling, so I thought the harm was done and might as well take a bite. It was juicy and sweet and the best thing I had ever tasted. I’ve had mango and pineapples and strawberries and all sorts but nothing compared to this.

Her slimy friend gave a sinister grin “I told you so” he said “Let’s have another”
Before he could slink up and grab another---

Whoosh!

Himself was down on us like a ton of compost.

“Gotcha” He bellowed “You won’t be told. Now you’ve done it."

“Just let me explain” I said “we weren’t sure if…” but He cut me off mid-stream. He was in a right strop and went on shouting:

“I am fed up with you and that hideous snake. I wish I’d never made you. This free will business has got out of hand.”
He waved his arms about and pushed us towards a big gate I hadn’t noticed before. He slammed it shut after us and we found ourselves here.

“This place is a bit bleak but Hell… we’ll survive. never say die.”