Never Say Die
Entry by: Tauren
16th June 2017
Little Billy sits alone
He sketches and he draws
He paints within, without the lines
This does not give him pause
His teachers mock and scold him so
they threaten and they rant
But Billy merely nods at them
It`s their world filled with can`t
And see he dances when he sings
A voice quite out of key
His parents fret and worry so
Whatever shall he be
They tell him that he cannot sing
They tell him that he shan`t
But he just nods and smiles at them
It`s their world filled with can`t
But little boys they grow, they change
And childhood dreams do pass
The adult scorn becomes too much
And crushed are they, alas
But I have kept my dreams alive
The words they could not slay
I kept them safe within my heart
Til they could have their day
So now my words they mock, they tease
The stories crowd my head
Some they fill with wonderment
Whilst others... awful dread
Yet still some people tell to me
You mustn`t, shouldn`t, shan`t
But I`ll keep on ignoring them
For it`s their world
That`s filled
With Can`t
He sketches and he draws
He paints within, without the lines
This does not give him pause
His teachers mock and scold him so
they threaten and they rant
But Billy merely nods at them
It`s their world filled with can`t
And see he dances when he sings
A voice quite out of key
His parents fret and worry so
Whatever shall he be
They tell him that he cannot sing
They tell him that he shan`t
But he just nods and smiles at them
It`s their world filled with can`t
But little boys they grow, they change
And childhood dreams do pass
The adult scorn becomes too much
And crushed are they, alas
But I have kept my dreams alive
The words they could not slay
I kept them safe within my heart
Til they could have their day
So now my words they mock, they tease
The stories crowd my head
Some they fill with wonderment
Whilst others... awful dread
Yet still some people tell to me
You mustn`t, shouldn`t, shan`t
But I`ll keep on ignoring them
For it`s their world
That`s filled
With Can`t
Feedback: Average score: 298 (60%)
Marker comments:
Marker 1
- What I liked about this piece: The rhythm reinforces the indictment.
- Favourite sentence: And see he dances when he sings
A voice quite out of key. - Feedback: I enjoyed this piece. It is life-affirming, and profundity lurks beneath its whimsicality. Well done. I also firmly agree with the sentiments expressed!
Marker 2
- What I liked about this piece: I liked Billy/the narrator! The rhythm and rhyme of this piece, cleverly done. Loved the ending of verses 1,2 and 4. Billy's strong personality shone through, and he believed in himself. Rare and beautiful!
- Favourite sentence: 'It's their world filled with can't' - excellent!
- Feedback: I really enjoyed reading this. Could imagine Billy clearly.... love the 'see he dances when he sings' - that was just lovely. And to find out that Billy was the narrator, that was great, keeping words alive inside.... lovely image.
The only bit that jarred was 'tell to me'. Also the rhyme of pass/alas felt a bit forced. Loved the line 'paints within/without' - as you could read this several ways. Nice work.
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