Lovers Never Lose

The sea was rolling in again. Coming home. And you knew it too. That’s it…come back to me. Through the lens you were but a dark silhouette. Hair being teased by the wind.
It was only when I took the camera away I could see your face. I saw you my love. The frost had bitten at your nose, you were all tinged pink and the seagulls glided in circles above me cackling at my silliness when I thought; how pretty he is cold. As if a season could determine the prettiness of you.
I always had you down as a hypnotist. Never could I keep my eyes from you and you knew that too, you knew a lot more about me than I did.
You turned to me from all those meters away, cupped your palms round your lips and shouted something that was lost behind the howl of the wind. I stood from my crouched positon, narrowed my eyes, tried to work it out.
You smiled as you told me again, all lit up like a tree. But the gust threw your scarf up over your face. I couldn’t even read your lips.
“I love you!” I yelled back.
You hadn’t a clue what I said but you laughed, you were radiant with it, whatever it was. You turned back to the sea.
“I love you!” I called again, this time my voice wavering into a whisper. “I love you.”
I lowered myself unsteadily to a crouch. My hands pressed together like a prayer. I prayed for nothing, I needed no more in that moment.
In the distance you crouched too, palm splayed on the pebbles as the tide washed your skin clean. Then your eyes closed, you lifted your chin to the sky and bathed yourself in absolution. It was the kind of thing that made you wanna cry.
One of those moments that was so perfect, I knew on the day of my death the last thing I would see would be that beach. You and the sea. A perfect marriage of fear and freedom endlessly laid out in front of me all the way to the horizon.
Or at least, endless was my presumption then.
I lay that camera down on the rocks and I moved toward you, closer, closer. You didn’t turn to acknowledge me, but when I pulled you off the ground into bear hug carry, you never uttered a word.
You knew a lot more about me than even I did.
Do you remember that night? Soft groan of a mattress in a nameless hotel and not a word between us until after. You told me:
“You need a haircut.”
I said. “I know.”
You were sad about it. You always loved my hair a little longer. It was a day of mourning for you whenever I cut it. We held onto that moment, milked it for all its worth. Because it felt like we were slipping. Like that bitter sweetness before the end though neither of us would turn our eyes towards the sunset or god forbid, pay it any attention. There was desperation there. We were so desperately clinging weren’t we? Struggling and for what we didn’t know.
It just all felt too perfect to be true.
It was the sort of thing that made you wanna cry.
“Sam…close your eyes.” You murmured, half asleep. “Rest with me…I’m so tired.”
I kept my gaze on you. Your eyes fluttered open. Too blue to be real.
“Sam…”
I shook my head. “I don’t know why I’m crying really…”
You drew me into the crook of your neck and kissed my forehead. “Oi…We’re okay…we’re here. You have me. You’ve got me now.”
“Now…” I repeated. “For now…”
We both closed our eyes against the coming gales and as the sun rose and the tides were pulled back out to sea, you went with them.
It was the sort of thing that made you wanna cry.
But without the steady thrum of your heart beat under my fingertips, this man was shrivelled. I was bone dry.