Positions Of Power
Entry by: Tauren
30th November 2017
Extract from the journal of Dr Ian Prendergast;
East river Lunatic Asylum
03/23/1926
We stepped into a wide corridor not dissimilar to any other that I had encountered in the hospitals I had worked in. The floor was the usual white tile, the walls painted the familiar pale blue. Three gurneys lined the opposite wall end to end. But it was the little things that set it apart. The light fittings encased in wire mesh, restraining straps hanging loosely from the gurneys and the glass window of the dispensary office to my left was run through with reinforcing wire. The usual dispensing hatch replaced with a segmented carousel that prevented anyone from reaching inside, and the door to it sheeted in steel.
There were two men waiting for us, a security guard, in the now familiar dark blue uniform, who was twirling a Billy club by its leather wrist strap. The second man in short sleeved orderly whites watched me intently and I felt myself being summed up. He was average in height maybe five ten, but built like a bull, large neck muscles bulged and the shirt strained under his enormous chest, but it was his forearms, thick as most men’s calves that caught my attention. He smiled at me holding out a hand.
As I took it he said, “You must be Dr, Prendergast? I`m Trent, Do you mind if I call you doc; doc?†(sniff)
I demurred that he may.
His grip was more than equal to my own and in the way of men the world over there was a brief battle to see who would let go first and I can tell you now that I am unsure I could have bested him and was grateful when Penderton cleared his throat, “Trent,†he said, calling a halt to the contest.
The orderly smirked as he let go.
In the months ahead when I would get to know Trent more fully than I could ever have wanted to know anyone, there would be many things about that man that I would come to loath, but the thing I found the most irritating about him was his habit of sniffing at the completion of every sentence.
He turned to the director and said coldly, “You’re late doc?†(sniff)
Astonished at the man’s impertinent tone I glanced at the director expecting him to rebuke him for his insolence, but Penderton just made a face and said, “The ferry was running late,†it occurred to me then to wonder who was the power in this place, that a mere orderly could, without sanction, address the director in this way.
We four stood awkwardly, no-one had bothered to introduce the guard and I was beginning to seriously wonder about their truculence, although this one at least seemed to have a better disposition to the last two, smiling as he nonchalantly twirled his baton.
“Should we be going?†I asked, “I`m curious to see Jacob`s, I mean Dr Blount`s Laboratory.â€
There was a wordless exchange between Penderton and the orderly, who shrugged and said, “The docs up on the second floor, he`s got a sweet set up I can tell ya,†(sniff)
As we set off I attempted to make conversation with the orderly, “I don’t mean to intrude Mr Trent but do you have a congestive problem, it`s just that I can recommend an excellent Otolaryngologist.â€
“Hey doc I told ya it`s just Trent, even my old man wasn’t no mister and what`s a otora, otolal, whatever it was you said.†(sniff)
“An Otolaryngologist is a doctor that specialises in nose and throat conditions,†I replied.
He gave me a confused look, “And what would I want with one of them.†(sniff)
I looked at Penderton to see if the orderly was pulling my leg or perhaps was unaware of his condition, but the man had a disinterested look on his face and I wondered had he been working with Trent for so many years that his sniffing no longer registered with him.
Trent was still giving me an enquiring look, the guard was still twirling his club obliviously and I gave up, “I just thought perhaps you had a nasal congestion problem, but apparently I was mistaken.â€
“Don’t worry doc,†(sniff) he said “we all make mistakes.†(sniff)
I remarked on how quiet it was.
Trent turned and looked at me rolling his eyes, “Yeah it is now that they`ve all had their meds,†(sniff), “But some days it can be pure bedlam,†(sniff)
“Hey doc do ya think that’s why they used ta call asylums bedlams?†(sniff)
He was smiling as he said it and I wondered how many times he`d said that to some visiting physician, playing up the, “Who me, I`m just a plain orderly, not a smart doc like you doc,†(sniff) routine.
To either side of us I noticed doors not unlike the one that guarded the dispensary, with the same riveted edges denoting the steel sheeting, but these had a peephole at head height and above that where I would have expected to find the name of the patient there was only a number in roman numerals.
Trent turned around walking backwards, the boyish grin on his face putting me in mind of a juvenile, though the man was at least nearing fifty.
His rubber soled shoes making Squeet, squeet, noises as they scuffed the floor, he said, “Hey doc how would you like ta meet one of your patients?†(sniff)
The man’s familiarity was beginning to grate and I glanced again at the director, but he seemed as ever unperturbed by the orderlies insubordination.
“I really feel we should be getting on,†I protested; but we had already, as If by some unknown signal come to a stop. To my left was a door with the numerals XI on it and it was to this that the orderly went.
“Better make sure there’s someone home huh doc?†(sniff) he said, going to the door and peering into the spyhole. “Here doc take a look,†(sniff) he beckoned me over, moving to one side to make room.
Curiosity piqued I looked through the portal and pulled my head away, “that’s a girl,†I said, looking at the still grinning orderly.
“Can’t put nothing past you huh doc,†(sniff)
I returned my gaze to the girl in the room, she was in her early twenties with long straight black hair that reached past her shoulders, she was sitting upright on the edge of the bed in a short hospital gown, her knees pressed together, hands resting on her thighs. Her skin was pale almost to grey, which I assumed was a result of lack of sunlight and her face was covered in scratches. Her mouth hung slack, half open; but it was the eyes that drew my attention, dull, unfocused, devoid of any life.
Engrossed as I was in my study of the poor wretch I failed to notice Trent relieve the guard of his club and he hammered the base of it against the door by my ear, causing me to jerk back in fear that there was someone other than the girl on the other side trying to escape.
Trent`s snickering was drowned out by the shriek that emanated from the room beyond. She didn’t begin to scream, instead it erupted from her as if she had been sitting there holding her breath, awaiting her cue. It came in one long piercing unmodulated monotonal shriek that put me in mind of the sound of fingernails on a blackboard.
“She`s a screamer,†(sniff) he said, his grin turning to a leer that made my skin crawl.
“Trent,†Penderton said and I turned, expecting finally for him to rebuke the man; but instead found him wearing a half apologetic smile, and when he caught the meaning of my look, gave me a boys will be boys shrug of the shoulders.
He sighed, “Trent please make her stop, there’s a good man.â€
As if she had heard him the scream stopped, but it was only a brief respite as the girl continued just as soon as she had drawn a fresh breath.
The orderly, still smirking pulled a bunch of keys that were attached by wire to his belt loop by an ingenious spring loaded retractable device, he shuffled through them until he found the correct one, and after slipping it into the lock had to turn it three times before the door clicked open. As it swung back the volume of the girls scream increased threefold causing me to wince. She was still sitting there just as I had seen her only her mouth was now fully open.
A new thought struck me, another difference between this place and any other hospital in which I had worked revealed itself. No orderly, nurse or doctor had come running to see what all the commotion was about, not a single inquiring head had appeared around a distant doorway, here in this place this was not considered unusual.
The pounding on a door, the screaming of a patient were I could see now, part and parcel of the daily routine, what had the orderly said, that this place could at times be bedlam.
As Trent approached the girl she stopped once more, but again only to regain her breath and as he sat next to her she resumed her shrieking. With surprising tenderness he put one arm around her shoulder in what I can only describe as a fatherly way, in truth judging by the difference in their ages they could quite easily in any other circumstance pass for parent and child. But then he turned, winked at me, conspirator to co-conspirator, and cupping her left breast with his other hand, squeezed hard.
It was as if someone had thrown a switch; the girl went silent, her mouth was still wide open but not a sound now issued from it. Her eyes retained the same empty unfocused stare and then the unmistakable ammonia stench of urine wafted across the cell to me and I saw the quickly spreading dark stain at the crotch of her gown and I realised that all this had been for my benefit.
A lesson was being taught and I could almost hear the orderly’s voice in my head, “Scream all you want doc, (sniff) aint no-one gonna come, (sniff) aint no-one gonna care.†(sniff)
And with growing horror I realised too that apart from Jacob, no-one outside of this institution knew where I was, that somewhere in this building a cell could be waiting, a cell with no name, just a number on the door and for the first time ever I felt truly afraid for my life.
At some instinctive level I understood also that this was a test, that if I showed any compassion towards the girl things would surely go bad for me, and that someone was watching me.
So, affecting a bored look and with a casualness I did not feel, I turned straight into the directors gaze.
His grey eyes were hard as he examined my face for any sign of weakness.
I cannot tell you where I found the reserve to hold my disinterested look and with forced indifference I said, “Very instructive I`m sure, but can we get on, Jacob must be wondering what has become of me.†I held his gaze through all of this and after a moment his shoulders relaxed “Trent.†he said.
Behind me I heard the orderly say in an almost kindly tone, “Daddy will be back to tuck you in just as soon as he can pet.†(sniff)
And I was reminded of one of my father’s favourite dictum's: “To truly know the nature of a man give him dominion over another.â€
And I resolved that before I ventured onto this island in the future, to ensure that at least one other person knew of my whereabouts.
East river Lunatic Asylum
03/23/1926
We stepped into a wide corridor not dissimilar to any other that I had encountered in the hospitals I had worked in. The floor was the usual white tile, the walls painted the familiar pale blue. Three gurneys lined the opposite wall end to end. But it was the little things that set it apart. The light fittings encased in wire mesh, restraining straps hanging loosely from the gurneys and the glass window of the dispensary office to my left was run through with reinforcing wire. The usual dispensing hatch replaced with a segmented carousel that prevented anyone from reaching inside, and the door to it sheeted in steel.
There were two men waiting for us, a security guard, in the now familiar dark blue uniform, who was twirling a Billy club by its leather wrist strap. The second man in short sleeved orderly whites watched me intently and I felt myself being summed up. He was average in height maybe five ten, but built like a bull, large neck muscles bulged and the shirt strained under his enormous chest, but it was his forearms, thick as most men’s calves that caught my attention. He smiled at me holding out a hand.
As I took it he said, “You must be Dr, Prendergast? I`m Trent, Do you mind if I call you doc; doc?†(sniff)
I demurred that he may.
His grip was more than equal to my own and in the way of men the world over there was a brief battle to see who would let go first and I can tell you now that I am unsure I could have bested him and was grateful when Penderton cleared his throat, “Trent,†he said, calling a halt to the contest.
The orderly smirked as he let go.
In the months ahead when I would get to know Trent more fully than I could ever have wanted to know anyone, there would be many things about that man that I would come to loath, but the thing I found the most irritating about him was his habit of sniffing at the completion of every sentence.
He turned to the director and said coldly, “You’re late doc?†(sniff)
Astonished at the man’s impertinent tone I glanced at the director expecting him to rebuke him for his insolence, but Penderton just made a face and said, “The ferry was running late,†it occurred to me then to wonder who was the power in this place, that a mere orderly could, without sanction, address the director in this way.
We four stood awkwardly, no-one had bothered to introduce the guard and I was beginning to seriously wonder about their truculence, although this one at least seemed to have a better disposition to the last two, smiling as he nonchalantly twirled his baton.
“Should we be going?†I asked, “I`m curious to see Jacob`s, I mean Dr Blount`s Laboratory.â€
There was a wordless exchange between Penderton and the orderly, who shrugged and said, “The docs up on the second floor, he`s got a sweet set up I can tell ya,†(sniff)
As we set off I attempted to make conversation with the orderly, “I don’t mean to intrude Mr Trent but do you have a congestive problem, it`s just that I can recommend an excellent Otolaryngologist.â€
“Hey doc I told ya it`s just Trent, even my old man wasn’t no mister and what`s a otora, otolal, whatever it was you said.†(sniff)
“An Otolaryngologist is a doctor that specialises in nose and throat conditions,†I replied.
He gave me a confused look, “And what would I want with one of them.†(sniff)
I looked at Penderton to see if the orderly was pulling my leg or perhaps was unaware of his condition, but the man had a disinterested look on his face and I wondered had he been working with Trent for so many years that his sniffing no longer registered with him.
Trent was still giving me an enquiring look, the guard was still twirling his club obliviously and I gave up, “I just thought perhaps you had a nasal congestion problem, but apparently I was mistaken.â€
“Don’t worry doc,†(sniff) he said “we all make mistakes.†(sniff)
I remarked on how quiet it was.
Trent turned and looked at me rolling his eyes, “Yeah it is now that they`ve all had their meds,†(sniff), “But some days it can be pure bedlam,†(sniff)
“Hey doc do ya think that’s why they used ta call asylums bedlams?†(sniff)
He was smiling as he said it and I wondered how many times he`d said that to some visiting physician, playing up the, “Who me, I`m just a plain orderly, not a smart doc like you doc,†(sniff) routine.
To either side of us I noticed doors not unlike the one that guarded the dispensary, with the same riveted edges denoting the steel sheeting, but these had a peephole at head height and above that where I would have expected to find the name of the patient there was only a number in roman numerals.
Trent turned around walking backwards, the boyish grin on his face putting me in mind of a juvenile, though the man was at least nearing fifty.
His rubber soled shoes making Squeet, squeet, noises as they scuffed the floor, he said, “Hey doc how would you like ta meet one of your patients?†(sniff)
The man’s familiarity was beginning to grate and I glanced again at the director, but he seemed as ever unperturbed by the orderlies insubordination.
“I really feel we should be getting on,†I protested; but we had already, as If by some unknown signal come to a stop. To my left was a door with the numerals XI on it and it was to this that the orderly went.
“Better make sure there’s someone home huh doc?†(sniff) he said, going to the door and peering into the spyhole. “Here doc take a look,†(sniff) he beckoned me over, moving to one side to make room.
Curiosity piqued I looked through the portal and pulled my head away, “that’s a girl,†I said, looking at the still grinning orderly.
“Can’t put nothing past you huh doc,†(sniff)
I returned my gaze to the girl in the room, she was in her early twenties with long straight black hair that reached past her shoulders, she was sitting upright on the edge of the bed in a short hospital gown, her knees pressed together, hands resting on her thighs. Her skin was pale almost to grey, which I assumed was a result of lack of sunlight and her face was covered in scratches. Her mouth hung slack, half open; but it was the eyes that drew my attention, dull, unfocused, devoid of any life.
Engrossed as I was in my study of the poor wretch I failed to notice Trent relieve the guard of his club and he hammered the base of it against the door by my ear, causing me to jerk back in fear that there was someone other than the girl on the other side trying to escape.
Trent`s snickering was drowned out by the shriek that emanated from the room beyond. She didn’t begin to scream, instead it erupted from her as if she had been sitting there holding her breath, awaiting her cue. It came in one long piercing unmodulated monotonal shriek that put me in mind of the sound of fingernails on a blackboard.
“She`s a screamer,†(sniff) he said, his grin turning to a leer that made my skin crawl.
“Trent,†Penderton said and I turned, expecting finally for him to rebuke the man; but instead found him wearing a half apologetic smile, and when he caught the meaning of my look, gave me a boys will be boys shrug of the shoulders.
He sighed, “Trent please make her stop, there’s a good man.â€
As if she had heard him the scream stopped, but it was only a brief respite as the girl continued just as soon as she had drawn a fresh breath.
The orderly, still smirking pulled a bunch of keys that were attached by wire to his belt loop by an ingenious spring loaded retractable device, he shuffled through them until he found the correct one, and after slipping it into the lock had to turn it three times before the door clicked open. As it swung back the volume of the girls scream increased threefold causing me to wince. She was still sitting there just as I had seen her only her mouth was now fully open.
A new thought struck me, another difference between this place and any other hospital in which I had worked revealed itself. No orderly, nurse or doctor had come running to see what all the commotion was about, not a single inquiring head had appeared around a distant doorway, here in this place this was not considered unusual.
The pounding on a door, the screaming of a patient were I could see now, part and parcel of the daily routine, what had the orderly said, that this place could at times be bedlam.
As Trent approached the girl she stopped once more, but again only to regain her breath and as he sat next to her she resumed her shrieking. With surprising tenderness he put one arm around her shoulder in what I can only describe as a fatherly way, in truth judging by the difference in their ages they could quite easily in any other circumstance pass for parent and child. But then he turned, winked at me, conspirator to co-conspirator, and cupping her left breast with his other hand, squeezed hard.
It was as if someone had thrown a switch; the girl went silent, her mouth was still wide open but not a sound now issued from it. Her eyes retained the same empty unfocused stare and then the unmistakable ammonia stench of urine wafted across the cell to me and I saw the quickly spreading dark stain at the crotch of her gown and I realised that all this had been for my benefit.
A lesson was being taught and I could almost hear the orderly’s voice in my head, “Scream all you want doc, (sniff) aint no-one gonna come, (sniff) aint no-one gonna care.†(sniff)
And with growing horror I realised too that apart from Jacob, no-one outside of this institution knew where I was, that somewhere in this building a cell could be waiting, a cell with no name, just a number on the door and for the first time ever I felt truly afraid for my life.
At some instinctive level I understood also that this was a test, that if I showed any compassion towards the girl things would surely go bad for me, and that someone was watching me.
So, affecting a bored look and with a casualness I did not feel, I turned straight into the directors gaze.
His grey eyes were hard as he examined my face for any sign of weakness.
I cannot tell you where I found the reserve to hold my disinterested look and with forced indifference I said, “Very instructive I`m sure, but can we get on, Jacob must be wondering what has become of me.†I held his gaze through all of this and after a moment his shoulders relaxed “Trent.†he said.
Behind me I heard the orderly say in an almost kindly tone, “Daddy will be back to tuck you in just as soon as he can pet.†(sniff)
And I was reminded of one of my father’s favourite dictum's: “To truly know the nature of a man give him dominion over another.â€
And I resolved that before I ventured onto this island in the future, to ensure that at least one other person knew of my whereabouts.
Feedback: Average score: 371 (74%)
Marker comments:
Marker 1
- What I liked about this piece: The feeling of vulnerability and danger both physical and psychological. The piece has sown a seed of interest for what might come next.
- Favourite sentence: “She`s a screamer,†(sniff) he said, his grin turning to a leer that made my skin crawl.
- Feedback: This is great writing. It captures a terrible sense of institutional place. I already have an emotional reaction to your characters. Carry on ! Thankyou.
Marker 2
- What I liked about this piece: It helped in my learning process of attempting to retain objectivity when building a critique of a piece of writing I find repulsive.
- Favourite sentence: Extract from the journal of Dr. Ian Prendergast.
- Feedback: You happened to get an assessor who spent a good portion of life as a psychiatric nurse. I studied in the oldest hospital in Britain and Ireland founded by the great Jonathan Swift in Dublin, 1745. There have been terrible scandals unveiled all over the world in psychiatric hospitals (yes, would have been called lunatic asylums in 1926), but I think you have mistaken the prison stereotype for the worst fantasy of an asylum. It would be good to tighten up on the writing to enhance atmosphere. The idiosyncrasy of the sniff is way overdone. The inclusion of (sniff) at regular intervals is jarring. It's Bedlam . Avoid cliches like 'pulling my leg'. Try to give more thought to what your story is trying to tell. Maybe pick out the key sentence and work to that. Keep going, good luck.
Marker 3
- What I liked about this piece: A fresh approach to this kind of theme, I really lke the way the personalities are built up.
I liike the way it seems like a prison, and we learn little by little it isn't in fact-
perhaps without the title, this cold be even more telling?
I enjoyed the elegance of style , and the intrinsic contrast with the onditions described, immensely.tHe contrast between the narrator and those he meets is thus superbly set out.
most of all, all this shows the kind of pressures that prevent the less powerful from showing compassion-while gaining the reader's empathy for the doctor and patient/s - Favourite sentence: In the months ahead when I would get to know Trent more fully than I could ever have wanted to know anyone, there would be many things about that man that I would come to loath, but the thing I found the most irritating about him was his habit of sniffing at the completion of every sentence....is this a kind of bathos?the way it goes from loathing to irritation is truly revealing-and makes for an excellent read!ie reader has to be on toes!And it keeps us on our toes!!
- Feedback: I really got immersed in this story.
The charachers are built up in a way that seems more leisurely than the scant wordcount seems likely to allow.
There is an almost Dickensian feeling in the way almost comedy is woven in wiht the truly horrendous-which adds to the sense of realism-and thus makes the sense of revulsion and fear even more so. eg
“that’s a girl,†I said, looking at the still grinning orderly.
“Can’t put nothing past you huh doc,†(sniff)
This whole sequence with the girl is so well described, adn sends shudders, especially in the understated:
Behind me I heard the orderly say in an almost kindly tone, “Daddy will be back to tuck you in just as soon as he can pet.†(sniff)
after the witnessed abuse.
I feel very enthusiastic about this piece..and would find it both easy and enjoyable to go on writing about so many parts of it.
However, it hangs together so beautifully that isolating particular sentences/phrases is unnecessary!
It works as a complete story , and wodl also be good to adapt to write a novel incorporating it.
[If you enter it for anything else, and it would definitely be enjoyed through wider audiences, watch out for commas in subordinate clauses...The few not quite pristine grammatically were scarcely noticeable--but somebody else may feel fussy about such!and-when using this beautiful style-they perhps become more significant!]
A SUPERB piece!