I Should Have

I SHOULD HAVE

Saturday night and the lights were bright.

Jenny said “Rocky’s goin’ to be there, so you’ll come too, right?” She's like that; a bit shy and still wants back up.

"But how can you pull a boy like Rocky when you don't put out?" I said.
"Just come will you? I'll die if that cow Josie flashes her knickers at him."

So I tagged along, got the new lashes out, nicked her sister’s push up, and made a bit of an effort. She looked like a check out girl on steroids but you can't say so can you?

"Do I look alright?" She said.
"Yes, let's get going. Spray some Nuit de Paris behind your lugholes and you'll be a princess!" I said.


We arrived just after ten and headed straight for the ladies to have a chat. No point in showing out before eleven; well, the boys can't face us before they've had a skinful. Josie was in there, glugging WKD, cos she’s basic and giving us evils.
“The cleaners arrived then?”

I slammed her one in the gob for starters and within a second we was clawing and screaming the place down. Jenny, as usual, stood by, hands in her mouth, staring at the two of us.
"Gimme a hand you silly moo, Don't just stand there!" But she did F.A.

By the time the bouncers arrived, the place was crammed, including Rocky and his mates. He took one look at Josie and me and grinned.
"Hen night at the boxing club?" He asked and shoved off back into the bar.

I picked up my bag and peeked in the mirror; Dracula was looking back at me. Mascara streaking down my cheeks, hair gone Jurassic, tights a mess.
All Jenny could say was; "Oh. Lindy! You look dreadful!" She's a good friend in a crisis.

We did our best to clean me up and went outside. The boys were all in by now and the lights went down, so I reckoned I might get away with it. Then Jenny pulled at me.
"Oh Lindy!" She said, and she began to sob.

Over in the darkest corner, Rocky sat wiping Josie's eyes and putting his arm round her fat shoulders. He stared at me and gave me the finger. Classy!
I grabbed Jenny and made for the door. What's the point of helping your mates?
I should have stayed home and watched Strictly.