You Name It

"Did you decide on a name?" He asked. His words were soft, hesitant and he didn't look up from the bundle in his arms. It was small, about the size of a loaf of bread. Maybe it too would crumble, if you squeezed it hard enough.

She shrugged and looked away, staring instead at the hospital wall, a sheet of pristine white that was turning grey as the days light fled. Maybe if she jumped through the window she could flee with it.

"How about Jessica?"

"No."

Jessica was her middle name. The loaf of bread that would go bad in a matter of days would not get to share her name.

He sighed and the bundle wriggled against his chest as if it could sense his pain. Shouldn't it be crying? Maybe it enjoyed their pain, its father certainly had.

The low whir of the hospital machines filled the silence. The deep ache between her legs flared and a tear escaped when she winced. She hated that he'd hurt her there again.

"Darlin' please." He stepped towards her, bringing the bundle with him. She rolled onto her side, blocking them both from view. He told her last month that he thought she should name it. After they'd chosen the adoption agency. She'd argued it would just get given a new name but he said that didn't matter. The name wasn't for the baby, it was for her. To remember. But she didn't want to remember.

"What about Tallie? You love the name Tallie."

She did love the name Tallie. It was what she had called all of her dolls when she was younger. There was Tallie One and Tallie Two, twins that she'd gotten for christmas when she was five. Then there was Tallie Three when one week later Tallie Two had been left behind at the airport and no doubt met an explosive end. Of course at the time she'd thought Tallie Two was travelling around the world having adventures. Maybe she could leave the loaf of bread at the airport.

"I don't want to call it Tallie. That's what I'm going to call my daughter."

He didn't know how to respond to that. Not when he was holding her new born baby. She felt so right nestled in the crook of his arm. He looked at his wife lying on the hospital bed. The sheets stuck out at the thin angles of her limbs and her hair was matted to her neck from the effort of giving birth. Any hope he had that she would be better once the baby was born disappeared as he watched her. She thought it was a monster because of who it's father was but any part of him was usurped by the part that was her. She couldn't see that though.

"You name it," She said. "I'm not going to."