Just Say It

Entry by: angel27d

12th February 2018
Sitting in the corner, trembling and scared; sitting in the corner just wanting to be heard.

Feeling small and incredibly meek, needing the strength and courage to speak.

The inner lion had slowly died; battered bruised and empty inside.

It is like I’ve come from the land of Oz; lost is my courage, no fight for my cause.

Worn down by demons that come from him; burying deep within my skin.

A screaming vulture, on my soul he does prey; so many times I ask ‘Why do I stay?’

I want to run, I want to hide, but inside I am fearful and anxious; my thoughts they collide.

The thoughts are dark with no light in sight; the future does not appear very bright.

I want to reach out, seek solace and sanctuary, but huge is the worry of peoples' disdain; being disbelieved and made to feel yet more hurt and shame.

Thus, despite my inner feelings of despise; always back I go to this cruel and warped marital reprise.

But how and why is this the case? Only eight months ago I was draped in new bright white lace.

Then it was different, carefree and charmed, doe eyed and drunk on a cocktail of bliss; giddy and excited by his touch and his kiss.

I dreamt and longed for a future of love bestowed; surrounded by children and family woe.

The woe was real, the woe was now; how quickly the jewel was ripped from my wedding crown.

How could I have been such a poor judge of character? my beau had deceived me, he was clearly an actor.

I could not meet his expectations, hence he quickly so often lost his patience; so long ago it seems since all those marriage congratulations.

I was not the obedient ego masseuse he required; quickly it became apparent the relationship had expired.

My heart is heavy and my mind full; how did I end up in this emotional cull?

Gone was happiness, gone was fun, ambition had left, my mind become numb; my life feels like nothing, a null.

My spark had gone, the lint had died; each day I prayed for the flame to be revived.

His eyes had changed they were stone and set; Is this the worst? I fear, not yet.

What have I done to deserve being made to feel so glum? before it was blissful, romantic, and fun.

Now there is nothing but spite and hate; only joy when he sees my eyes red and tearful, providing more bait.

A shell I am of the woman once was; why does life not have a rewind, or even a pause?

My head crammed with insults and obscenities; my self-belief worth nothing but pennies.

The continual criticism causes anguish within; I’m either too fat, too ugly, or disgusting and thin.

I try to mould into the desired requirement; eager to please and change the alignment.

I feel myself slipping into the abyss; and I wonder would I even go amiss?

My friends have stopped calling, tired of one to many excuse; thinking I am love sick and deliberately obtuse.

In the public eye we are the perfect match, joint at the hip; always attached.

Yet, if I falter in my role, once home, dire consequences will unfold.

I know what I should do but I fear whispers, stares, public glares and backlash; denouncement of my ‘tale’ as utter trash.

No one will listen, no one will care; it feels all so incredibly isolating and unfair.

It is all my fault for daring to dream, of a future so fruitful, happy and free; no longer am I the cat who got the cream.

As I sit in the corner whilst my feelings mull; together myself, I know I must pull.

I look at the stick that has caused such imminent fear; the two lines of blue are evidently clear.

So now there is going to be more than me, and thus this toxic bubble must be burst; on this my thoughts most definitely agree.

How and when? Where do I go? Frightened and scared, I do not like going against the flow.

I want to retract into a safe catacomb. If only I had those red magic shoes, three clicks and we would be in a safe new home.

The innocence hidden inside is pure and oblivious; yet must be protected from his heart of tin, and nature that is just so supercilious.

So courage I must muster; I must not fluster.

Stand up, get up, run and run; stand up get up run and run.

Seek support and shelter; finally find refuge from the emotional pelter.

Trap the mouse, lose the squeak; feed the lion and learn to speak.