Work In Progress

Heartbreak alphabet

A is for art. You took me to all those galleries I loved. You feigned interest. Stood by my side hand in hand. The only art you were versed in was the art of deception.
B is for broken. Promises, a rib, wine glasses, knuckles. Me. My heel that one time you carried me all the way home laughing and giggling
C is for cliche. Love at first sight. I thought you were my soulmate. You Loved me all the world's you’d say. perfect for eachother. Everyone goes through bad times. Opposites attract. Time heals all wounds (It does not - scars are forever) C is for charm and control. if you don't have the first one you’d never be able to achieve the second.
D for desperation. People like you smell it. Like sharks smell blood. Desperation has its own kind of odour. Part loneliness, part longing.F is for fear. Fear of you taking away everything I am. Everything we had. Fear of being on my own. I didn't realize how fearful you had crafted me to become It was you, it wasn't me.
E is for excuses. I made them for you over and over and over. You made them yourself also. You were good like that.d crafted me to be.
G is for gluttony. I couldn't get enough of you. I binged relentlessly on you. Overdosed. You fed me a version of you.
H is for Help. I hope you get some you need it. By the the time i needed it, it was too late you had me. Hooked.
I is for illusion and isolation. I was under the illusion I wasn't isolated.
J is for Jump. I’d jump when you raised your voice. Slammed or broke something. I still jump. J is for Justice. Do survivors from broken relationships ever get justice? I dont think its justice if you get to love again. I'm too scared to love again that's (In) justice.
K is for knees. I spent sooo long on them trying to please you or begging so you wouldn't leave me. There is no pleasing someone like you
L is for love and loneliness. You make sacrifices for one so you don't experience the other. It's possible to experience both at the same time.
M is for mood swings. You had good ones and bad ones, mostly bad. Missing; My self esteem, you.
N is for Nachos. The thing you always ate if we ate out. You eat them on our first date. You were crazy for them. If i hear the word i can't help but think of you. Sometimes i even smile. Narcissist.
O is for overdose. That is what you did the first time I threatened to leave.
P is for please. Please don't leave me. Please stop. Please come back. Please Not again. Please believe me. Please not here. Please love me.
Q is for question. You asked them constantly. Where are you going? Who with? Where have you been whose number? You don't love me anymore do you? I have a question - you could have had anyone? Why me?
R is for rage. Never visible always present. R is for Romeo. As in the song ‘Romeo and Juliet’ by Dire straits. That was our song.
S is for sex. Amazing until the end.
T is for toxic. As in toxic relationship. I know that now.
U is for undo. Unraveled. Untangled. Umbrella. you always held it over. Give me your coat at the end long nights out. There were some good times. I can't think about the good times its a slippery slope.
V is for victim. I promised myself I’d never be a victim. I was too strong. Self assured. I’m not a victim am I?
W is for Work. As in work in progress. That is all I'll ever be now. There is only one me, one life one here and one now. I’ll be trying to fix myself forever but it sounds better if I call myself, ‘a work in progress.’
X is for kiss. You would always put three at the end of your messages. XXX. I'd wait holding my breath waiting for your replies. At the beginning I couldn't eat or sleep. Now it's over I can't eat or sleep for different reasons. There's a fine line between the feeling of anxiety and euphoria.
Y is for you. You changed me. You took my confidence. You hit me. You took something from me. You took the real me.You probably weren't aware you were doing it, little by little. You don't know where it is, I don't know where it is. But it's gone. You You You
Z is for zipper. Me undoing yours. Greedily, impatiently,urgently. Having each other anywhere anytime. You could you could still have me. I'm not cured of you. Will I ever be? I'm trying I really am. Like I said I am a work in progress, after you, that is all I will ever be.