Attack And Receive

“Why do you always have to leave crumbs in the butter? Is it really so difficult to remember to scoop them out when you’ve finished making your sandwiches? And can’t you empty the bins when they’re full? I do all the cooking and the washing up and the laundry on a daily basis, on top of my job. Is it really so much to expect you to complete your one chore regularly? Last summer, when we had that maggot infestation because it was so hot and the bin wasn’t emptied, who was it who had to deal with it? Me, of course! The toilet seat was up again when I went into the bathroom just now. You know how much I hate having to put it down before I go. Can’t you just remember to do it? And you left the window open again. If it had rained overnight, the upstairs flat’s overflow pipe would have flooded right into our bathroom. And then the downstairs neighbours would have been on to us to pay for their repairs. It’s not like it’s difficult to shut the window before you come to bed, is it? Speaking of which, do you really have to make so much noise when you finally decided to go to sleep at 2am? You know how light a sleeper I am, and it takes me such a long time to get back to sleep once you’ve woken me up. It doesn’t help that I have to listen to your snoring while I’m staring at the ceiling. And I tripped over your shoes again when I was getting ready for work this morning. Why do you have to put them exactly in my way? Isn’t there somewhere else they could go?

“And speaking of things being out of place, what’s this envelope doing on the dining table? Is it something you’ve forgotten to post? Not a bill, I hope. I don’t want an angry letter from the electricity supplier because you’ve failed to send a payment. Why are you grinning at my like that? What’s so funny about not keeping up with the bills? Oh, for heaven’s sake, I’ll just open it and see for myself, shall I? What’s this? Tickets for something? A two week Scandinavian cruise? Oh my god, really? And what’s this note with it? ‘I know you’ve been having a tough time lately with your brother being in the hospital, so I thought some time away would be in order now that he’s better again.’ Wow, that’s amazing! You’re so good to me! I don’t deserve you, really I don’t.”