Organs Of Donation

Entry by: spulusan

19th December 2014

on his last night
he twirls the beddings
his feet pointed
his body constrained
in the twists of cloth
tightly bound
ready
to unfurllllllll

his arms bend back
the impact
of the rotation
and all he every was--
a heart, pair of lungs,
a liver, capable eyes
and bone--
pass through his skin
to be planted within
names on a list

in the chest
there is a flutter
then a pulse, then clean air
oxygen
then cloudless sight
full periphery
and health

on his last night
he is dreaming
of growth spurts
how an unconscious kick
stretches the limbs
extends height
a progression so secretive
we take for granted
the passing of time

he is dreaming
of ascension
as a rotating pull to the sky
in his bed twisting sheets
and released
to be made empty
for others

a dandelion man
dispersed

his mouth
open in an O

Marker 1

What I liked about this piece: I liked the tone, the feeling here, the idea of death being a dispersal of organs. The rhythm of the piece works beautifully too.
Favourite sentence: "and all he every was--
a heart, pair of lungs,
a liver, capable eyes
and bone--" - not sure if the "every" was intentional or a typo, but either way i just love the sound and rhythm here.
Another favorite sentence is: a dandelion man
dispersed
Feedback: I am not a poetry expert, but I think that some of the images here could be stronger, especially with sentences like "a dandelion man/dispersed" which are SO BRILLIANT. I think the section about dreaming is the weakest, but the poem as a whole is absolutely gorgeous.

Marker 2

What I liked about this piece: I had to read a few times. I liked that it made me think.
Favourite sentence: a dandelion man dispersed
Feedback: Interesting response and well written

Marker 3

What I liked about this piece: I like how the message of donation is conveyed through a visual imagining of a person becoming their own body just as their body is about to be 'dispersed', and the spiritual reference of 'ascension' to indicate a positive experience in what can be seen as something rather clinical and in some cases perhaps horrific.
Favourite sentence: a dandelion man
dispersed
Feedback: I really liked this poem - a wonderful take on the rather clinical subject of organ donation. I felt like the body was a chrysalis, with the references to sheets tightly bound, and waiting to unfurl - later we have flutter, ascension and pull to the sky - surely a butterfly emerging? The dandelion man is a wonderful image. It really did make me think that perhaps the donation of organs could be seen as another way of perpetuating the human species - I am already on the donor list, but hadn't given it a great deal of thought before. Now I wonder if it is a way to keep us all connecting with each other, not only spiritually but physically, and perhaps it is not such an ethically questionable thing - plenty of food for thought on this subject - could do a whole MA on it! Anyway, thanks for 'donation' to the competition - I felt it was rich with messages of hope and the extraordinary complexities of human life.