You Can Fly

Entry by: Halliwell S. Reed

19th August 2024

First, Fly

Rise.

Constrict.

Collapse.

An infuriatingly terrifying experience
witnessing my brother's chest rise
sending bubbles of hope
to melt the knot of despair and hopelessness
living in my deteriorating skull
only for it to constrict and fall.

Only for my heart to plummet
alongside my constant thoughts
emitting from my unravelling psyche
of potential conclusions to this situation
barreling toward a plunging darkness.

The incessant apprehension
is due to the potential of what will eventuate
of a man that is in possession
of a soul fragment that he helped me mend.

The machine is suffocating;
not letting him breathe without its controlling presence;
not letting me breathe without thinking
he may never say anything again,
and I'll never get to listen.
I'll have a conversation with my siblings
about the life he led and how we have to
navigate the gloomy wasteland of how to live without him
until it's brighter,
not such a painful place to reside anymore.

My words cascade on deaf ears,
hanging in the air as the ceaseless whine of the device
that grants me permission to stay in the company
of a person I love more than words can contain
permeates the space we occupy.

I travel back to the time that he sought out a second magpie
through our kitchen window
although he was grateful for the half a pair;
and he explained that at least one is here.

I don’t believe I will ever feel that way.
Without him here I will always be one magpie,
the one I associate with sorrow.

Now, he's just gone.
How can a life be taken so easily?
How can you half expect it and still be in utter shock?

I never want to reach an age
that he didn’t get the chance to.

Those magpies followed me to the hospital
and to the funeral.
Maybe it was a warning,
maybe it was a mockery.
I do know that they remind me of my big brother,
and every time I see their black, white, blue, green feathers
they make me think of a beautiful soul.

I know that he always found ways to soar.
Now, he doesn't have to stay so low to the ground.

I hope that the afterlife he so strongly believed in
and told me was true
is where he flies to first.

Marker 1

What I liked about this piece: I liked the role of the solitary magpie (one for sorrow) and how the brother had looked for the second magpie (two for joy) which demonstrated his cheerful and lovable disposition.
Favourite sentence: . . . every time I see their black, white, blue, green feathers
they make me think of a beautiful soul.
Feedback: A very poignant piece, one where I feel the depths of the despair of the writer, having experienced the loss of a brother. At what point did she lose him? When he finally passed, or upon his imprisonment in the mechanical lung? Although he was still alive and breathing, albeit with artificial help, was he still the same brother?
Although this may have been a fictional piece, it feels as if it was genuine and written from the heart, in which case I’d like to just express my sympathy for the writer and the feeling of privilege in being allowed to share your feeling of loss.

Marker 2

What I liked about this piece: I really liked the atmosphere which was vry intense and poignant and I got those feelings very well.I felt the immediacy of the poem too.I liked how you wove the poems threads together right to the funeral and carrying the magpie image also forward.
Favourite sentence: Without him I will always be one magpie
Feedback: very moving poem and very immediate.I felt your pain.There was some good strong imagery gloomy wasteland words cascade on deaf ears. You brought the magpie thread throughto the end so well done.One suggestion maybe less adjectives eg infuriatingly terrifying .Sometimes the lines veered a little towards prose,I=oVERALL VERY WELL DONE

Marker 3

What I liked about this piece: I liked a lot about this poem. By the end I felt moved, this was an upsetting but beautiful read. In particular, I think the poem really took off in the verse about the second magpie. I know the 'one for sorrow, two for joy' rhyme and I think this is a really creative way to frame grief.
Favourite sentence: Now, he doesn't have to stay so low to the ground.

This line honestly blew me away. It's heartbreaking.
Feedback: I don't generally like poetry, but I this was great. As explained in the box above, I think it really takes off at the 'I travel back to the time' verse, and everything after this is all killer and no filler. I would suggest shortening the lead up to this verse, obviously some of it is necessary to explain the context, but reading it I got the impression that the second half of the poem was significantly stronger. It was difficult to pick out a favourite line because honestly, the entire back half is full of them. Kudos to you, this is a piece of work to be very proud of.