Cup Of Tea?

Entry by: vinita18

20th January 2015

It's not as though this is going to happen again
that we'll run into each other like this
on the street, after years, just like that.
But now that we have
I hope you won't mention the winds.
Talk about these rains if you will
drenching us, entering our eyes and hearts
but not the winds...that gets to me...
For we stood like warriors before the chinooks,
foehns, mistrals, siroccos
but gave in one day to tides that took our gods away.

Our history is in the caves
In every grit of sand that makes up the desert
In every hard scaled leaf that pricks the silence of forests
We are the mountains of bright torch
The flotillas of desire rippling in the seas
We are the years in which rains double
We are the reason why bitter barks of trees
taste sweet when cool winds blow.

No, I won't talk about winds either;
they change too much.
Let me look at you
Let me remember how you were
Let me trace the sounds trapped inside your breaths
Imagine meeting like this - without umbrellas.
Ah! How the past litters our gaze
as we stand in the pouring rain, like mannequins.
Come! Walk with me
Become the clouds. Become eternal
It's been so long since puddles reflected skies
Won't you join me for a cup of tea?
*********

Marker 1

What I liked about this piece: The rhythm and flow of words.
Favourite sentence: In every grit of sand that makes up the desert;
Feedback: Interesting poem. I halted at the words 'In every hard scaled leaf that pricks the the silence of forests'. I've never experienced the silence of forests, there's always rustles and movement, birds and sounds of unknown animals. So this threw me.

Marker 2

What I liked about this piece: I loved the language of this piece. Really beautiful
Favourite sentence: Let me trace the sounds trapped inside your breaths
Imagine meeting like this - without umbrellas.
Feedback: A lovely poem. I felt there was some punctuation missing as I stumbled a little on reading it - but beautiful all the same

Marker 3

What I liked about this piece: Fabulous, loved it.
Favourite sentence: We are the reason why bitter barks of trees
taste sweet when cool winds blow.
Feedback: This is an awesome piece of writing, I could see the people standing there, I could feel it - well done.