Yes We Can
Entry by: Kitty
6th February 2015
Yes We Can
I am not a spiritual person. If I was, I might tell you the awkward and time consuming events of the last few days were a message from god instead of a pleasant disaster.
I woke up on the 24th day of the fourth month in the twentieth year of my life and thought to myself that the days motto to be written in the calendar on the fridge was 'yes we can'.
This motto was inspired by a dream I had had the previous night where I was entered in a dancing competition with a group of angry Scottish dwarves. Throughout the entire competition I kept telling my team mates those same three words to spark bravery and excitement. If only they had had the same effect on myself when I made them my motto.
But no, instead I simply forgot about them the second the lid was back on my purple felt pen and I walked away from the fridge with a feeling of fear and pure grumpiness.
The day was my birthday and that meant only one thing, my best friend for life (or so it said on the bracelets we bought each other in first grade), Julie Baker, was going to try and set me up on a fiasco of date probable involving a lot of fatty foods and alcoholic beverages that were sure to make me want to hurl by the end of the evening.
I sighed and set to the strenuous task of making breakfast for myself (fresh coffee and a banana). Half way through the boiling of the kettle I heard the inevitable shriek of the doorbell that I should have disconnected months ago. I winced and gripped my forehead as I am very prone to stress headaches, then I reluctantly answered the door so my whirlwind of a friend could come barging into my apartment and start chittering about the 'exciting' events of the day to come.
I finished my coffee while she went on, not really listening to anything she was saying. thoughts of last years set up flashed through my mind and I grimaced as I rinsed my cup in the sink. Julie rushed me to my room to get me 'fixed up' as she put it.
Around half an our later my legs were itching, my face was heavy with makeup and I was almost falling over from the ginormous heels on the boots I was wearing. Julie was infuriatingly proud of herself for this catastrophe she liked to call beauty.
I shuffled out to the car and collapsed into the drivers seat, struggling to sit normally with this stringy excuse for underwear riding up and causing extreme discomfort in my anal region.
I managed to drive to the café safely, my friend muttering about how I would eventually have to get used to dressing like this if I wanted any decent man to look at me twice.
I thought smartly that her definition of decent was very far from my own and that maybe she ought to get used to keeping her mouth shut if she ever wanted any decent man to try and have a conversation with her twice.
when we arrived at the café I struggled to get out of the drivers seat without a little help from my friend who complained the whole time but didn't hesitate to help me out.
As soon as we entered the café I knew I should have just stayed home in bed.
The male she had me set up with turned out to be a old boy friend from high school, if you could even call him that, whom Julie had obviously forgotten over the years.
I turned around to walk out but found Julies on and off partner blocking the door unintentionally. He gave me a painfully tight hug like usual and walked me to my seat. I saw across the room that Julies older brother who's birthday was on the same day as mine was sitting with a particularly racoonish older woman that looked as though she might be planning to mug him later on in the evening. I checked my phone and sure enough there was a text from him, apparently he had seen her already.
"we can do it"
I held in a humoured laugh and sent him a quick reply before I sat down, remembering my motto from that morning.
"Yes we can"
It turns out that wasn't so true after all, later that afternoon, I discovered my date was a complete coward in every sense and abandoned him for the much more desirable idea of sitting in bed watching old re runs of Looney toon cartoons and eating carrot sticks.
As I walked out I got a text from Julies brother commenting on how not like myself I looked and asking where I was going. I asked if that was a compliment and said I was going home to watch a fast bird get chased by a coyote. he replied that he liked my normal look much better and said he'd be out in a minute to join me because his date was starting to scare him and loony tunes was his favourite show as a kid.
I waited and he came out after barely two minutes, we bantered a bit on the drive to my place but I had a much better night then I expected watching cartoons with Julies brother then on all my other birthdays combined.
I am not a spiritual person. If I was, I might tell you the awkward and time consuming events of the last few days were a message from god instead of a pleasant disaster.
I woke up on the 24th day of the fourth month in the twentieth year of my life and thought to myself that the days motto to be written in the calendar on the fridge was 'yes we can'.
This motto was inspired by a dream I had had the previous night where I was entered in a dancing competition with a group of angry Scottish dwarves. Throughout the entire competition I kept telling my team mates those same three words to spark bravery and excitement. If only they had had the same effect on myself when I made them my motto.
But no, instead I simply forgot about them the second the lid was back on my purple felt pen and I walked away from the fridge with a feeling of fear and pure grumpiness.
The day was my birthday and that meant only one thing, my best friend for life (or so it said on the bracelets we bought each other in first grade), Julie Baker, was going to try and set me up on a fiasco of date probable involving a lot of fatty foods and alcoholic beverages that were sure to make me want to hurl by the end of the evening.
I sighed and set to the strenuous task of making breakfast for myself (fresh coffee and a banana). Half way through the boiling of the kettle I heard the inevitable shriek of the doorbell that I should have disconnected months ago. I winced and gripped my forehead as I am very prone to stress headaches, then I reluctantly answered the door so my whirlwind of a friend could come barging into my apartment and start chittering about the 'exciting' events of the day to come.
I finished my coffee while she went on, not really listening to anything she was saying. thoughts of last years set up flashed through my mind and I grimaced as I rinsed my cup in the sink. Julie rushed me to my room to get me 'fixed up' as she put it.
Around half an our later my legs were itching, my face was heavy with makeup and I was almost falling over from the ginormous heels on the boots I was wearing. Julie was infuriatingly proud of herself for this catastrophe she liked to call beauty.
I shuffled out to the car and collapsed into the drivers seat, struggling to sit normally with this stringy excuse for underwear riding up and causing extreme discomfort in my anal region.
I managed to drive to the café safely, my friend muttering about how I would eventually have to get used to dressing like this if I wanted any decent man to look at me twice.
I thought smartly that her definition of decent was very far from my own and that maybe she ought to get used to keeping her mouth shut if she ever wanted any decent man to try and have a conversation with her twice.
when we arrived at the café I struggled to get out of the drivers seat without a little help from my friend who complained the whole time but didn't hesitate to help me out.
As soon as we entered the café I knew I should have just stayed home in bed.
The male she had me set up with turned out to be a old boy friend from high school, if you could even call him that, whom Julie had obviously forgotten over the years.
I turned around to walk out but found Julies on and off partner blocking the door unintentionally. He gave me a painfully tight hug like usual and walked me to my seat. I saw across the room that Julies older brother who's birthday was on the same day as mine was sitting with a particularly racoonish older woman that looked as though she might be planning to mug him later on in the evening. I checked my phone and sure enough there was a text from him, apparently he had seen her already.
"we can do it"
I held in a humoured laugh and sent him a quick reply before I sat down, remembering my motto from that morning.
"Yes we can"
It turns out that wasn't so true after all, later that afternoon, I discovered my date was a complete coward in every sense and abandoned him for the much more desirable idea of sitting in bed watching old re runs of Looney toon cartoons and eating carrot sticks.
As I walked out I got a text from Julies brother commenting on how not like myself I looked and asking where I was going. I asked if that was a compliment and said I was going home to watch a fast bird get chased by a coyote. he replied that he liked my normal look much better and said he'd be out in a minute to join me because his date was starting to scare him and loony tunes was his favourite show as a kid.
I waited and he came out after barely two minutes, we bantered a bit on the drive to my place but I had a much better night then I expected watching cartoons with Julies brother then on all my other birthdays combined.
Follow us on Twitter
Follow us on Instagram