Matter Of Heritage

Matter of Heritage

I can feel you inside me. Growing, day by day. Bringing the moment of no return closer and closer. And still I am undecided. Precious life, conceived in violence.

I can still feel him, too, you see. His hands rough on my body, his breath hot in my face. I tried to push him away, I did. But I was weak and he was strong. And now there is you.

This is something I've always wanted. Hoped for, dreamed of. But this isn't the way it was meant to happen. It was supposed to be beautiful, built and shared with love.

You are still a part of me, though, no matter your other origins. You are not to blame in this, you do not deserve my censure. I love you desperately, but you repulse me in equal measure.

At times, my fear over-rides my desire for you. Fear that you will grow to look like him; worse, act like him. Fear that I will turn you into a monster through my terror of that very thing.

If I let you live – the thought of having to play god makes me nauseous. If I let you live, I will one day have to explain to you how you came to be. Or lie, and add deception to the crimes of your beginning.

The other choice will leave me always wondering if I made a mistake, cut short a wonderful life for no reason. That way lies endless uncertainty and guilt, the other way could lead to both our doom.

Can you transcend your heritage? Can I?