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07:12, 17 Feb 2025
A tribute...


Paula Yates & David Lynch at Safeway, Brunswick Centre, 1993

The automatic doors hum open. Paula Yates, wearing oversized sunglasses and last night’s clothes, steps inside, her heels clicking. She swerves past a display of Granny Smiths and nearly collides with David Lynch, who is examining an apple with deep concentration.

PAULA: (grinning) David bloody Lynch! Fancy seeing you in a Safeway. I'm Paula.

DAVID: (turning, delighted) Paula! Wow! Safeway, Brunswick. Beautiful place. These apples are something else. You ever really look at an apple? Just stare at it?

PAULA: I tend to eat ‘em, Dave. That’s my main interaction. You making a film about apples?

DAVID: No, no. Just appreciating. It’s like—they’re these little secrets, you know? You never know what you're biting into.

PAULA: Yeah, alot of the Safeway ones are rotten inside.

DAVID: Exactly! You get it. You get it.

Paula plucks a pain au chocolat from a shelf, then waves it at him.

PAULA: You ever eat one of these?

DAVID: Pain au chocolat? Sure. But not often. You gotta be careful—one minute, you’re enjoying the buttery layers, the next, you’re deep inside a dream you can’t wake up from. Why, how do you know this isn't a dream?

PAULA: (laughing) Impossible. I’m on a bender, haven’t slept yet.

DAVID: That’s a mistake, Paula. Sleep is where the good stuff happens.

PAULA: Not for me. I dream about missing shoes and telephone boxes that eat people.

DAVID: British telephone boxes, huh? They’re like tiny red theatres of the absurd that trap a moment.

PAULA: Yeah, it's summer and cigarettes for me. Shame they’re all out of order and stinking of piss.

DAVID: Like the world’s turning its back on the idea of mystery?

PAULA: And business cards offering 'special services'. Although you don't see them in the red phone boxes so much for some reason.

DAVID: Is that so?

Paula yawns.

PAULA: Sorry, I’m knackered. What about you? You sleep alright?

DAVID: I slept great! Had a wild dream, too.

PAULA: Course you did. Hit me with it.

DAVID: Well, see, there was this nightclub in some place that looked like old America. 1940s, something like that. And outside, instead of a bouncer, there was an iguana sitting on a velvet rope post.

PAULA: What, in a little tux?

DAVID: No suit. Just an iguana. But it was watching. Like, really watching. People would walk up, and it would just know—you’re in, you’re trouble, you go home. Tiny green psychic.

PAULA: Christ. Was it right?

DAVID: Of course it was right. It’s a dream.

PAULA: I think I’d take my chances with a human bouncer. Iguanas freak me out.

DAVID: That’s just what a troublemaker would say. Can't an iguana catch a break?

Paula laughs, shaking her head. She drops the pain au chocolat into her basket, then nudges David’s apple toward him.

PAULA: Go on, buy your apple.

David inspects it one last time, nodding approvingly.

DAVID: Well, I think that's all for today. I will now buy the apple and make tracks.

23:32, 16 Feb 2025
Dearly Beloved,

I last gave a sermon nearly 9 years ago on the Hour of Writes website, dated 14:39, 29 Jun 2016. Doesn’t time fly?

Though a remainer, I offered a cautiously optimistic take on the referendum result. My predictions at that time were:

“Voting out might be painful but lead to a chain of events which could potentially see us [the UK] back in Europe stronger and closer.”

“In the interim we may see the loss of Scotland and troubles in Northern Ireland.”

“In the mid-term the EU itself may unravel and there may even be a war with Russia.”

“Worst case scenario, a small nuclear incident.”

This is a small update on where I see us now. We have not yet reached the mid-term, but all my predictions are either on target or in the realm of distinct possibility.

The war with Russia is already happening by proxy (I’ll take that), it has threatened a tactical nuclear strike (premature to take credit for one), and there could soon be direct conflict as America retreats from its role as guarantor of world peace.

While some tie disengagement to Trump, strategists like Peter Zeihan have long pointed out that this would happen and has been trending since Obama.

There are certain underlying factors—demographics, geography, and resource distribution—that shape outcomes regardless of administrations and political posturing.

Big picture, Biden’s withdrawal from Afghanistan was a continuance of Trump’s approach, he also left Ukraine and Russia in a state of limbo, while Obama’s red lines were crossed without decisive action on Syria or Crimea. To any student of World War II, it seems all too familiar: dictators take small bites. Then bigger ones. Then…But I guess politicians always have tectonic plates shifting underneath them.

FYI, I reluctantly gave my non-vote to Kamala last year, as she appeared more reliable on Ukraine, and after years of dangerous appeasement the Democrats were slowly getting their act together on China—a nation that has been waging a hybrid war with the West for decades. But the reality is, there was no golden ticket and pros and cons with each choice. You could make an argument that the American right is right to call out Europe for undermining Western values whilst pointing out that leaving Europe to fend for itself will make it harder to preserve them, which brings me neatly onto my next point.

I predicted that the EU might unravel. Today, that prospect seems more likely than in 2016. For the EU it was a huge blow to have an economy the size of the UK’s depart. Now, what apparently holds the EU together is Germany—its massive economy being the lynchpin. Yet even Germany faces a perfect storm: demographic decline, energy shortages exacerbated by the Ukraine war, China's trade dumping and a breakdown in social cohesion fueled by large scale immigration and a spate of related crime and Islamist terrorist attacks. The concomitant result is the right wing’s resurgence which might address some issues, but also threatens to splinter the EU from within.

The EU project, as it stands, is facing a day of reckoning. A noble project that seemed primed to coalesce into a great state like the US or China has allowed states such as Slovakia, Hungary, Germany to appease aggressive outside agents with a vested interest in its own demise. For the EU to survive, it must adopt a robust stance on China, sing from one hymn sheet on Russia, and deal with immigration and associated issues of integration and social cohesion more effectively. Oh, and defend Ukraine.

Alas, the EU has been unable to fuse the empathy of the left with the pragmatism of the right into a well-balanced strategy that recognises the Cold War never truly ended. China, that enormous elephant in the room, survived Tiananmen and continues to assert its long standing hegemonic vision. Russia’s flirtation with Western rapprochement ended long ago when Putin seized power in 2000. If you think that was early days, ask the ghost of Margaret Thatcher, who, Cassandra-like in her post-PM dotage warned us about Putin’s chilling response to the Kursk disaster, or lack thereof and what it boded for the West. And Iran continues to be a thorn in our sides.

On paper China is the biggest challenge. When the world handed WTO membership to China on a plate, allowing China unfettered access to Western markets whilst China simultaneously made sure the playing field in China was not level Clinton had this fanciful idea that China would just get rich and join the club. It ignored everything the Chinese have been telling us how they feel about deep resentment held for the West since the days of the Opium Wars, the Boxer Revolution and the inception of the Chinese Communist Party, anti-Western by its very nature, and just the simple strategic real politik that powerful countries of any stripe are not to be trusted, as cogently argued in the introduction of China: The Gathering Threat published 2005. To have peace, prepare for war.

All too predictably, the West is now in serious trouble, facing a potential fragmentation reminiscent of the Roman Empire. The only part of the West that can likely weather this storm is America, buoyed by its vast natural resources and insurmountable geographic advantages.

The postwar order, shaped by the Woodrow agreement, saw the U.S. guaranteeing global shipping lanes in return for economic dominance, fostering peace even among its adversaries. But America is out of shape and now retreating, prioritizing self-preservation—proving, as ever, that self-interest trumps idealism.

This leaves the EU on the brink of collapse, and if that happens, we might eventually see Russia seeking to restore order on its own terms. The interim could be chaotic—turbulence the likes of which the UK has not witnessed in my lifetime. I still hope, and somewhat expect, that we’ll muddle along, dodge a few bullets, and ride our luck. But dark days may lie ahead before any era of plenty.

As for Australia and New Zealand, they might fare better but are slowly drifting into a client state relationship with China that may see the Western nature of those countries erode with time.

I am not a seer. The fun thing about geopolitics is that with so many variables, nobody really has a clue. Perhaps China will invade Taiwan. Perhaps Trump will save Ukraine yet. Perhaps the protagonists themselves are unsure. But what a time to be alive wondering what the future holds in store and if one should stockpile tinned food.

15:53, 10 Jan 2025
Hour of Writes 2014 cut up

I see the air churn sickeningly. How I wasted my life. Is there an updated bit of the brain, that
mingles the lust of attraction with
the need of protection? The space
between the panels,
between the frames,
between the camera clicks. A ski-lift
that delivers me again to stand
unbalanced at the hilltop, scanning
all the great slant swathes of white.
Forever has turned its back forever. I didn’t want it to end this way. Of course not. But as the rope tightens round my gizzard I must confess to savouring the moment. Our culture is founded upon
an ideology of worst case scenarios. Spiders will first release a thread to the wind, like a poet with those thin junkie arms. Bein' in the dark whether it's sufferin' through the darkness of night or shiverin' alone in the darkness of mind. Either one of those can be terrifyin'. But it can also be enlightenin'. In the chest
there is a flutter
then a pulse, then clean air.
The archaic personal delivery system?
The language of oxytocin falls short to explain the shift from dread to welcome.

20:37, 29 Dec 2024
Hello Miris. It was Hour of Writes, I think.

10:17, 21 Nov 2024
'Publishers are like the appointed gatekeepers of the literary world who allow us to know we are not wasting our time when we read.' HOUR of Writes, Dec 9 2013.

Well, I like HOW because it publishes no questions asked. The reader decides if it is worth reading and even if the writing misses out on accolades the writer can keep it online.

See I think publishing, the endorsement of universities and critics etc, comes with a trade off.
Sometimes to get published, you’ve got to do a dance, conform just so. A truly daring or brutally honest work—well, it’s likely to run afoul of the biases, the entrenched thinking of publishers and readers. The successful writer, then, sees this, understands the game, works within those constraints. And yet, somehow, still they produce something great. But acceptably so.

So is writing truly one's own? I guess one cannot ignore certain realties. Harry Potter,seems to me almost a chatgpt story before it was a thing. A mash up, a Deja Vu-ish feel but just exquisitely so. Co-written with society, I think.

So yes, self-published often means lazy, rambling, half-baked, dull. Publishing houses worth their salt strive for excellence and tolerate nothing less. And yet what published works really last a year, let alone stand the test of time?

Whereas good self-published work has an unfiltered vitality that tends to be smoothed over and chlorinated if submitted to a publisher. My favourite book on China is self-published, my favourite moral philosopher is self-published.

No?

See, the tragedy of this note is it's not published and therefore the effort I put into making any sense was relatively little. I must therefore throw myself upon your mercy and ask you to rescue this unleavened thought. Lift it from the swamp of half-formed musings...

16:39, 18 Nov 2024
Her shopping list

Keratopigmentation. A snip at 12,000 dollars. Wants her cat's shade of yellow.

One of those drone thingys to carry her smartphone above to foil moped thieves.

Popcorn. These are the days to have it at the ready.

The chillness of a deaf cat in a sunbeam, on the off chance anyone's bottled it.

That slummy sofa in the Trump Scotland presidential suite. Perfect for an art installation.

A jelly mould.

12:57, 17 Nov 2024
The Writer

One day, he decides to go all in. No platform too small, no opportunity beneath him. Rub sticks hard—make words catch fire. People will see. Big light! The community magazine publishes any letter, so there’s that. But now is the time to send, send, send. Competitions, lit-zines, vanity platforms in a coma. Everyone gets a piece. Thick-skinned, hunger-sharp, he’s half content creator possessed, half self-publicity Machiavelli.

He scribbles reading lists into the margins of rare books, casual, cheeky, smuggling his name like contraband. Copies of his self-printed works materialize on honesty bookshop shelves, wedged between cookbooks, or stashed in the folds of bus back seats—treasure ahoy! He mails his novels to strangers in error, complete with bogus invoices, as though fate knows their address. On forums, he’s unseen but magnetic, seasoning encouragement with sly recommendations, a digital pied piper pulling readers toward him. His anonymous reviews, ostensibly of other books, glint with buried hints—references to his own work that weave an enchanted web.

His presence starts to encroach onto the edges of your awareness: posts, links, mentions in threads, a random inclusion in a conversation about another WRITER.

And then—he simply is. No longer a wallflower waiting for an invitation to dance. But in the very ether. Stirring your tea, scrolling your social feeds, spreading the word. And oh, my, the spell! You’ll twist, you’ll turn, but unravel it? Oh, my dear, you can’t. Not now. Not ever.

04:44, 17 Nov 2024
Grave

She finds the place. On the ridge of a hill near a gorge. Its churchyard cosily bordered by a fine flint wall with purple blossom spilling over it. And the tombs shrouded by thick unruly Welsh grass. And amongst their number on the north side there is a thick slab covered in more than one species of lichen. Cracked, worn, eroded by seasons and the quiet days in this place where people seldom come. For no one really talks of how lonely some graveyards are. But here it is. If she shines a powerful torch and traces each letter this is the message, this most peculiar epitaph. For it says nothing except, 'The biggest lie you'll ever hear is it's never too late.'

05:02, 16 Nov 2024
Nine goals before I shuffle off this mortal coil, yes, yes.

One. Ah! To suffer—even if just once- because I was honest. Truth-telling as a kind of exorcism, no?
Two. To craft a notebook— curate if you will- a collection, a little gallery of gems: delicious quotes, morsels from poetry, forbidden truths, sexy misinformation, aggressive algebra, curious number sequences, eroticism, pyramid math—ooh, yes—and observations most agreeably contrarian.
Three. To relinquish—oh, what’s the word—yes, ballast! Three stone, at least, for no other reason than, uh, the sheer hutzpah! The promenade. And afterward? Oh, my friend, to rise anew in a spiffy grey suit that sings 'respectable' but hums 'rogue'. For the pageantry of it! Yes, a sharp and confident cut and a watch so faux modest it says "Who, me? Wealthy? No, no, just timeless."
Four. To hoist—yes, hoist aloft like Prometheus with fire—a 14-inch NEC cathode ray television (so deliciously specific, isn’t it?) and parade it up and down my residential street. In the dark.
Five. To forge a language—an unholy creation! A dialect without a homeland. To fill it with words so strange and... so deeply unnecessary that no one could—oh, no one would—be tempted to steal it. And then spit facts with it! X, Threads, Blue Sky! Ya dig?
Six. And, uh, a shirt. Yes, a shirt. Printed not with slogans but provocations, oh, provocations! Translated into Welsh for maximum intrigue. "I am fluent in spirals," perhaps? Or "Overthinking enthusiast." Mmm, something like that. Understated. Delicious.
Seven. To commit to memory—oh, yes, memory!—the hard stuff. Hardcore. Shakespeare’s Merchant of Venice, Act 1, Scene 1? Yes, and then, then, a whole book of Chinese dialogues. A feast for the brain!
Eight. To ask—no, interrogate—myself: "If I died today, what would my legacy be? Hmm? And how can I change that?" Then, the plan! Always a plan!
Nine. To love. Ah, yes. To love imperfectly, stingily, temporarily even, but better to splutter love then not love.
And a tenth bonus goal. To court discomfort—yes, to extend an invitation to it. To prolong it. Regularly. Growth lives there, yes?

20:14, 20 May 2018
Does anybody know if the 2016 annual is still coming out? Filled in my blurb for it a while ago and not heard anything.

01:03, 31 Mar 2018
What's the meaning of life?

02:19, 16 Oct 2017
Love Jaguar's mirror poem, especially the first stanza.

16:19, 15 Aug 2017
Results can take 2 or 3 months to be posted sometimes.

19:34, 4 Aug 2017
You're welcome, K Maid Marion.

00:37, 30 Jul 2017
Either those responses were posted after the marking period or they don't refer to the author. (I would guess).

09:31, 25 Jul 2017
Nice work (Time and Space poem)...and quick off the mark, too.

12:30, 15 Jul 2017
Just read and enjoyed 'Matter of heritage' by Paul McDermott.

22:39, 28 Jun 2017
Jaguar...pebble beaches in Margate?? They're all sand as far as I can tell...

22:39, 17 May 2017
Thanks for your reply, Alison. Of course, HOW is your baby and you must do what you want with it. As a semi-regular user I just wanted to give you some feedback...

12:59, 12 May 2017
Alison,

Having read your recent email I would say this. I am going to uni in September as a mature student and I don't begrudge paying fees. Afterall, I don't pay anything til I finish uni and then only after I earn £21,000 per annum,which is alot of money to me. In particular, I think it's unfair for people who go to university to expect those who didn't to fund their education. As for who to vote for, I'm enjoying the retro feel of this election cycle and am torn between the different options. The Tories are bringing back grammar schools, Labour are going to nationalise the railways and UKIP are bringing back highway men and gibbets. Seriously though, on this occasion I could quite happily vote for almost anyone (i.e Tory, Lib, Lab, Green) or no one. I'm a genuine floating voter. I don't think the sky would collapse if we scrapped Trident, I don't think the Tories are inherently evil.

You caution against the fear and brow beating agenda of the right wing perhaps without seeing those elements in your own message. A message which implies that unless I vote for the 'true alternative' the swords of hunger will come beating on my door!

Granted , they are here already somewhat and a Labour vote might best further my own interests but... I don't seek a political solution to my core problems which will remain, by and large, whoever gets in. I will study the manifestos and vote as wisely as I can but my life is not really about politics and the political aspect of HOW is not what makes HOW attractive to me...Just sayin'.

15:17, 10 Apr 2017
Congrats to Jaguar for your Trolls and Bridges story win. I enjoyed marking that!

16:15, 2 Apr 2017
Hour of Writes is blocked in China... :-(

02:30, 1 Apr 2017
I think some of the entries this week are pretty good! I'm in the midst of marking now and enjoying. Have speed read a few others and will take a proper look later.

00:14, 11 Mar 2017
Good point, Maje...Thanks!

16:48, 20 Feb 2017
Hello Tauren,

I prefer to keep stuff that I may re-work and enter elsewhere out of the public domain. I think in some ways it's the best thing I've done on HOW, though I admit it does require more work from the reader than usual. So I'm grateful to marker 2 for understanding where I was coming from but I understand marker 1's point of view, as well.

15:03, 14 Feb 2017
You can't please all the people all the time... (two reviews for Note to self)

Marker #1: 10, 0, 10, 10, 20
Marker #2: 75, 65, 75, 75, 75

Marker 1

What I liked about this piece: Not a lot, to be truthful. I was fair and read the whole thing a couple of times but it was beyond me. As I was trying to find something I liked, I came upon the cliche " time is now worth more to me than money" so I will stop racking my brains on this point.

Favourite sentence: " Molly for Prime Minister"

Feedback: This was impenetrable to me. My heart sank when I saw how long it was too. Have pity upson your readers and give us something to work with here!

Marker 2

What I liked about this piece: A brilliantly original piece.

Favourite sentence: Truth has a funny habit of getting stuck like a stone in the shoe of one’s conscience

I do need to find someone that’s going to blow my socks off…
But you pulled one of them down

Feedback: I really enjoyed this piece. It's not necessarily the easiest to read, but I loved how haphazard and realistic the notes were and how the thread of the story was woven into the note. There are some brilliant, thought-provoking ideas in there as well - above love, religion, war, sex. Very clever - well done.

17:34, 9 Dec 2016
Once upon a time...

I did breast stoke across a direct debit agreement
Time is a great schemer
Dried myself, forgot the 20 pence in the locker

03:50, 5 Dec 2016
In answer to Tauren: Um...maybe there’s no right answer but I tend to go for plot. For me, the advantage of a plot driven story- even within the maximum 2000 word confines- is that it's a more forgiving medium that creates a natural framework that human curiosity responds very well to and the contrasts in a plot and the fact that there’s more going on can be more satisfying than one long passage that is an extended thought or an exploration of a moment. Then the writing has to be really good to hold the reader's interest (and usually I don't think it is).

As it happens, I was one of the markers on your Shopping Channel story. It wasn’t the most original of concepts, for me, but you hit the ground running with the way you tell that story, IMO. There’s no fat on it and no false beginning. It is very condensed, with an excellent economy of style which makes it a much smoother read than many things I see on HOW. (I see also that your latest is a tale written with great care. Had I marked it I can see it scoring in the 60s, it has no real twist (and you're maybe too much in Stephen King's shadow) but there are some really good little bits of drama. What it so often comes down to is good quality human observation. I liked the line, 'the comfortable silence of a couple who feel no need to fill silence with inane chatter'.

Also, if you’re looking to please anyone, besides yourself, maybe look at the general aesthetic of the website and adjust accordingly. Really really good writing will usually shine through, I think, but I would suggest that merely good writing might lose out to something that happens to chime more with someone’s personal tastes, agenda, political outlook etc. That could work for or against you depending on who you're writing for.

This is not a horror story website per se, likewise if I write anything that's too metaphysical or dark I know I'm probably going to pay the price...I wanted to say something else but I've forgotten what it was so I'll leave it there. Hope this helps.

22:00, 24 Nov 2016
I'm intrigued about those 'monumentally scary dreams', Seaside Scribbler...

11:07, 13 Oct 2016
My favourite poem on hour of writes is said the baby giraffe to the lion by Vanita 18 closely followed by featherlight by experimental. My favourite story is survive the jungle by Reba Kaye. I am dictating this on my iPad mini two so please don't mind punctuation errors et cetera

17:20, 10 Oct 2016
FYI, I have registered another account called 'Novelist' where my story 'The man who had all the time in the world' will continue. Thanks.

14:39, 29 Jun 2016
The Sunday Sermon

During the run up to the EU Referendum I didn’t use Facebook as a soapbox and now that we’re out I think we need to accept the result. Personally, I voted in. I am and always have been in favour of ‘ever closer union’. However, I noted that there clearly wasn’t the political will for a United States of Europe in this country (or, sadly, anybody making the case for one) and voting out might be painful but lead to a chain of events which could potentially see us back in a Europe stronger and closer; and with us knowing what side our bread is buttered on. I don’t think this will happen anytime soon and in the interim we may see the loss of Scotland and troubles in Northern Ireland. In the mid-term the EU itself may unravel and there may even be war with Russia. Worst case scenario, a small nuclear incident. But (perhaps) we’ll get there in the end, members of some sort of European union that has our full-hearted support. History so often shows only misfortune or coercion make this sort of transformation possible. No pain, no gain and all that.
Staying in would have given us another headache, that’s for sure. We'd have been in limbo, not fully co-operating with Europe but with half the population not satisfied with that concession, anyway.
Of course, it may all play out differently- by some estimates we’ll end up only slightly worse off- and by others we’ll sail off into the sunset. Nobody knows and we should try and make this work and concede that not all experts were on one side and there are positives and negatives to being in a union. Nicola Sturgeon certainly seems to think so, as she is now in the process of trying to stay in one and leave another. But one thing I think we all know is that the NHS isn’t on the brink of a massive windfall, nor will the challenges of immigration disappear, as many Brexiters hope. The challenges and rewards of an uncertain and changing world remain with us. And if we’re still trading with the EU they’ll probably still be making laws which we have to follow. Amen.

14:33, 29 Jun 2016
5 Ideas on enhancing HOW.

1. An occasional sideline competition (in addition to the main one). For example, to continue a story or maybe to have a serial competition, where entrants write a 4 chapter story, 1 each week for a month. There could be marks each week and a prize at the end.
2. A monthly article from a HOW user on something writing related. Could be their tips on the art of writing or talking about a favourite HOW story of theirs. They could be paid in credits.
3. An annual prize for the best piece of writing.
4. A judge’s prize of the month for most constructive critique. Maybe a free credit.
5. A small prize for accruing three featured stories. I suggest being able to choose the theme for a given week.

I wouldn’t want to see HOW change too much from its present format. I like its uncluttered feel and how we can control access to our unselected stories but feel it could be more involving and a few small tweaks may enhance its overall appeal for all concerned.

21:32, 11 May 2016
I said boo
But no one was there
Twas a lonely boo
But I didn't care